She lost 100-pounds but gained it back. The grief surprised her. Now, like others, she's sharing her story.

David Oliver, USA TODAY
Updated ·4 min read

Grief affects us all – but not in ways we always expect. People die, yes, but so do pets. We can grieve dreams, jobs, our health, past versions of ourselves. Grief is not linear; it does not come in stages, a common misconception. It's unique to the individual.

As we wrote a series of stories to shine a light on different grief journeys, we asked for your input. What kinds of grief had you experienced? Would you be willing to share your story publicly?

We got hundreds of responses − 300 and counting. Here's a look at what some of you shared. You can submit your own story here.

Darlene Mahon, 63

"After having lost and gained 100 pounds twice in my life, I have once again regained the weight," Darlene Mahon says. "This is even after having reconstructive surgery to remove excess skin."
"After having lost and gained 100 pounds twice in my life, I have once again regained the weight," Darlene Mahon says. "This is even after having reconstructive surgery to remove excess skin."

"After having lost and gained 100 pounds twice in my life, I have once again regained the weight. This is even after having reconstructive surgery to remove excess skin. The shame and loss surrounding this and the grief associated with the aging process make it difficult to move forward in so many ways.

I am no stranger to grief and have endured many losses as we all do as we age. What make my story so relative is that the loss of control over your own body is deeply personal. Sometimes the shame that comes with that loss keeps people from processing their grief and moving forward."

Shanan Ballam, 48

"I survived a massive stroke in January 2022," says Shanan Ballam. "I have been grieving the loss of my identity as an active skier and hiker."
"I survived a massive stroke in January 2022," says Shanan Ballam. "I have been grieving the loss of my identity as an active skier and hiker."

"I survived a massive stroke in January 2022. I have been grieving the loss of my identity as an active skier and hiker. I struggle to walk now. I initially had aphasia – which means I couldn’t speak. I finally feel as if I can articulate now. The right side of my body was completely paralyzed. I have regained the use of my arm and my hand."

Susan Navarro, 73

"I have been working through grief over estrangement and events from his death including stressful probate process," says Susan Navarro.
"I have been working through grief over estrangement and events from his death including stressful probate process," says Susan Navarro.

"(My) husband was a psychologist and died from Alzheimer’s this year. A slow, grueling process. I call it a hell world with the drip, drip of grief as he slowly lost all mental and bodily function. During this time my son, whom I had been estranged from, died from COVID (Delta variant). I have been working through grief over estrangement and events from his death including a stressful probate process."

Su Perry, 75

"I lost my first born, my only son, almost 32 years ago. It still feels like yesterday. I think about him every day. It's not natural for a parent to bury their child. No one knows the pain unless they have lost a child themselves. It's a different kind of pain. I can carry on a conversation and even laugh, but the whole time I'm screaming in the back of my head. I still cry. My other children are grown and on their own. I live alone. The nights are the worst. There are the what (ifs) that run through your head. The holidays, the date of his death and his birthday are the hardest to get through. There is nothing to compare this pain to. It's brutal. It doesn't go away. I try to keep it locked up in the back of my head but every once in a while it escapes and runs down my face."

Farah Davoodi, 34

"Losing my mother is completely my identity now," says Farah Davoodi. "I love talking about her but as one friend put it, 'welcome to the dead parent club.'"
"Losing my mother is completely my identity now," says Farah Davoodi. "I love talking about her but as one friend put it, 'welcome to the dead parent club.'"

"I recently lost my mother on Aug. 29, 2022. She was 68 years old when she passed. She lost her battle with two types of Lymphoma cancer. At this point, I couldn’t tell you which ones (was it T-cell or B-cell or both?) because I’ve just given up on remembering that part of her life and focusing on everything else she was about. Losing my mother is completely my identity now. I love talking about her, but as one friend put it, 'welcome to the dead parent club.' My mother immigrated to the U.S. from Peru in the late '70s to peruse a career as a neonatal ICU nurse. She and my father experienced many hardships throughout their road to their American dream but these last five to 10 years felt like things were falling into place. Until her cancer diagnosis.

Now a little a year after she’s passed, we’re finally trying to have kids. It’s a confusing process when your body isn’t functioning the way it should be. I do wish she was here but I know I’ll miss her even more when the time comes to actually have the child (and I’m hopeful it will). Her knowledge about all things babies was impressive to me. And I soaked up as much as I could from her. Little things my friends commented on years ago made me realize she taught me more than I thought I knew."

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This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Grief stages: How five people are grieving loss, death, identity