Shoot a deer? It'll take more than luck these days

I remember sitting in the woods thinking about important things, like lunch. I assumed it would be cold sandwiches because chili was the only thing we had that was hot, but boy my stomach just wasn’t ready.

I decided a ham sandwich would be fine. And just when I was about to think about the correct cheese, I heard something. I assumed it was my cousin because there was no wildlife where I was sitting.

And just as I turned my head, there he was. Mr. Buck. At first I thought someone was playing a joke on me by using one of those fake deer that archers use for target practice. But this was no fake deer.

It didn’t see me at first, which is odd because I’m not typically the quietest hunter in the woods. Then a million things went through my mind, like where’s my gun? Right here on your lap, you idiot. And maybe I should try the chili.

I slowly lifted my rifle, tried to stop shaking and squeezed the trigger. When I opened my eyes the deer was still standing there. I don’t know if the sound shocked him or if he was just laughing too hard to run. Either way, he didn’t move. So I went to shoot again, but he was gone.

Figuring I missed my best chance at my first buck, I sat there and stewed (mmm, stew). Then I heard some noise again. I turned around and there he was again. I couldn’t believe it. But he was directly behind me. And there were bushes between us.

Not knowing exactly what to do, I figured I’d better just give it my best shot (!). So I twisted my torso, raised my gun and fired again, thinking there was no way since I missed a clean shot in front of me not a minute earlier.

But the unthinkable happened. The deer dropped immediately. I don’t who was more surprised, him or me. I started walking toward where he fell expecting to see nothing but a gift of deer droppings. Instead, there it was.

I ran toward my cousin while putting my fingers next to my head in an attempt to duplicate antlers. He had a quizzical look on his face until I yelled at him, “Buck! I got a buck!” And as he walked toward me, he calmly responded that it was about frickin’ time.

It was 1999. And in 45 years of hunting (I use that term loosely), that’s the only deer I ever harvested. I remember being so happy that I was going to leave it on the roof of the car and drive through the Ida Christmas parade while waving to the crowd like Miss Monroe.

I know there are men, women and children who bag these beautiful bucks every year, and I’m happy for them. Sure, I go in the woods before daybreak and of course if I see a buck I’ll do my best to shoot straight.

But I’m too old to be contorting my body just to get a decent shot. In fact, I’m content waiting for the perfect circumstances, like the right deer at the right time at the right distance before I fire. And, of course, he’ll have to nudge me awake, too.

Ray Kisonas is the regional editor of The Monroe News and The Daily Telegram. He can be reached at rayk@monroenews.com.

This article originally appeared on The Monroe News: Ray Kisonas: Shoot a deer? It'll take more than luck these days