Some signs are truly a sign of the times. Others just make you go “ummmm...”

Wally Spiers
Updated ·2 min read

“Sign, sign, everywhere a sign. Blocking out the scenery breakin’ my mind.” —Five Man Electrical Band lead singer Les Emmerson

Actually, I like signs. They don’t break my mind although they can be confusing. But how else would I know anything without signs?

Push, pull, up, down, one way, speed limit, all very helpful, There do seem to be a lot of negative signs, like no left turn, no parking, no passing, no standing, no smoking. But I’m told it is all in my best interest.

Signs do change with the times. These days nearly everyone has an “ATM Inside” sign, often in conjunction with a “Video gaming here” sign.

These days you can’t drive more than a few feet without seeing a “Now Hiring” sign. Some companies even have that painted on their trucks. Or maybe a business is more genteelly asking you to “Join our team.”

Signs can be improved, like the sign that advised, “No shoes? No shirt? Use drive-thru.” Much kinder than the no service version. And more profitable, too, I would think.

Belleville is filled with “Slow Children,” signs. Rather than making fun of children who aren’t fast, the signs should say, “Children Playing.”

“Dead end,” sounds so awful. Nobody wants to live where there is no hope. Doesn’t “No outlet” sound nicer?

One of my favorite signs was on West Main Street where the giant red high heel shoe sculpture honoring radio hoist Delilah used to be. The shoe is gone and so is the sign that advised people to “Keep Off the Shoe.” We need a new sign, “Bring Back the Shoe.”

Sometimes a misplaced line alters a sign.

“Office space

Parking available

By owner”

Nice of the owner to offer to park cars but I don’t think that is the meaning.

Some signs just make you say, “Umm.” Like the one advising “Valkyrie Pole Fitness coming soon.” I can’t exercise on the floor without falling, never mind on a stripper pole.

Then there is this sign that makes me go “Umm. Umm. Umm.

“Moist money from undergarments will not be accepted.”

A rule I think we can all live by.