Since CT allowed a nonbinary designation on licenses, hundreds have gotten them. Here’s what some say

At the Connecticut DMV, one nonbinary license is issued about every other day. The gender designation, denoting someone outside of the binary male or female, was offered by the state Department of Motor Vehicles beginning Jan. 27, 2020.

More than three years later, 571 Connecticut residents have chosen the “X,” rather than the “M” or “F,” the DMV reports.

That may not seem like much, compared to the thousands of people the DMV, and AAA, serve every day. But for people who chose the X, it’s an empowering form of self-determination.

“This means my state was giving me legal recognition and affirming me in a way that some people might not be capable of doing,” said Lindsey M. Pasquale of Hebron. “From a mental health standpoint, it’s a very positive thing.”

Pasquale, Northeast Regional Director at PFLAG National, was so keen to get an X that she and her friend went to the Manchester AAA on the first day they were offered. Pasquale’s friend was the first in the state to get it. Pasquale was the second.

“I wanted to adopt it early. I thought there was a risk of it getting removed or getting underutilized and that people would think that not many people out there wanted it,” Pasquale said.

She said the 571 who have gotten the designation is just a small percentage of nonbinary people in Connecticut.

“A lot of people aren’t comfortable making the change. There are people living at home not out to their parents. People might be concerned how it might effect their job prospects by having it on there because they’re not ready to come out at work,” she said. “So many things go through people’s heads.”

‘Having the strength’

Brynn Bernstein of West Hartford has a state ID for health reasons. A state ID serves as an official identification, but does not allow the bearer to drive. Bernstein said when they applied, they didn’t think twice about checking the X.

“It’s more correct than putting my assigned gender at birth on there,” Bernstein said. “It feels to me like not putting nonbinary on there is sort of like me claiming that I’m an extra inch taller or saying I was born on a different day.”

Luca Grove, 18, of Marlborough, does not have the X yet, but they will after they move back to Connecticut after college.

“It’s about having the strength to be publicly, identifiably genderqueer, in any sense of the word,” Grove said. “It’s opening up to that possibility.”

‘I am neither’

Pasquale first started thinking about a nonbinary license in 2019, a year before it became legal. That was when she submitted testimony in favor of SB 388, which pertained to prohibiting discriminating against intersex people.

Part of that bill suggested that the state “provide for a third option for gender designation on state documentation and personal identification records.”

“Seeing that on a hard copy right in front of my eyes, I got excited,” Pasquale said. “As a nonbinary person, it was so validating to read that.”

In her testimony, Pasquale wrote “If you are someone who has identified with the gender you were designated at birth, having this third gender marker option may seem like such a small thing. Every time I am confronted with a form, I see two choices — male or female — and I am neither. I would like to be recognized for who I am. There are many other intersex and non-binary people that would also like this recognition.”

SB388 died in committee, but that one idea lived on, of a third option for gender designation on state documents.

Several other states currently allow the nonbinary designation. In 2022, the U.S. State Department began allowing the X gender marker on passports.

When applying for a driver’s license or a learner’s permit, applicants can merely check the X box in the gender segment of the application. All applicants who are 16 or 17 need parental consent.

People can also change their designation by filling out a different form.

Becoming a target

Others in the LGBTQ community have chosen not to check the X when they apply for or renew their licenses.

Mel Cordner, executive director of LGBTQ youth support agency Q Plus, said the rising tide of transphobia makes some hesitant to declare their gender identity on an official document.

“I know a lot of people, myself included, who haven’t changed theirs because they don’t want to become more of a target from whoever might access their ID, like police and doctors,” Cordner said. “That sounds sort of dramatic but it is reality.”

Even Pasquale, the early adopter and ardent fan of the idea, said if she was starting out in 2023, she would pause a bit.

“If I was making this decision today, it is definitely something I would be spending more time in deciding, because now is a time when there is a coordinated, targeted assault on the rights of trans and nonbinary people,” she said.

No gender at all

In that vein, even some people with nonbinary licenses say the X designation shouldn’t be the final word on the issue. They say that removing gender designation entirely from official government documentation is a logical next step.

“What I’ve thought about mostly since getting it is that I don’t particularly feel the need to have a marker for sex on any driver’s license at all. As long as it’s there I’ll tell the truth, but i don’t see a real need,” Bernstein said.

Cordner agrees. “Having your physical sex announced on an identity card we use for pretty much everything is weirdly intrusive,” they said. “The person carding you at the store is looking at your ID to verify your age, not your body parts. That’s not anyone’s business but yours.

“Having an X option is well-intentioned, as it tries to create space to include more people. But all the X does is put us all in a new box, reinforcing the idea that we don’t fit in the standard boxes,” they said.

Grove said they understand why emergency responders would need to know a person’s gender. But they pointed out that in non-emergency cases, assigning genders might confuse the issue.

“People talk about three sexes, usually, male, female or X. But there are so many more,” they said.

Susan Dunne can be reached at sdune@courant.com.