The Siri scenic route is not what she ordered
I honestly don’t know what we did before the great invention of the GPS, that lovely voice that tells you where to go, what lane to be in, how many miles until your exit and if there is a speed trap up ahead.
I might even venture to say the next generation of drivers might be nearly incapable of going anywhere new without it.
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Back in the day, I had two massive books stashed under the seat of my car.
The first was a road map of the entire US, highlighting the major highways and county roads at best. I think I kept it there just in case I felt a little crazy and wanted to escape Northeast Ohio.
The second giant book was the gazetteer of Ohio, where little squares the same dimensions of the pages showed every single road. I have very vivid memories of plotting routes to remote places, and you can still see remnants of that time with a faded highlighter in that same gazetteer I’m too stubborn and nostalgic to get rid of.
In my glove compartment, there were special maps of certain states where I would travel, and being the map lover that I am, I would carefully make sure each fold always went in its original direction so that it would be flat and perfect and pristine … except for the highlighted routes, of course. I suppose I was my own GPS in bright, neon yellow.
That little Siri voice likes the scenic route
Recently I had to drive to the east side of Cleveland, then to downtown, then to the west side. All three places I have been in my life, but never in that order or that direction. With no paper maps to assist me like the old days, I simply punched addresses into my phone and let the calm voice direct my travel.
Silly me, I assumed the computers were smarter than I am and would take me along the most direct and simple route. I was wrong. And honestly, I’m surprised it didn’t just laugh at me when we got to our final destination.
“Ha ha ha! Did you enjoy your very scenic route? And all the neighborhoods? How about that alley we made you drive down where you weren’t sure you were even going the right direction? How about those stoplights? We got you there, and we got you good!”
Being safely where I need to be is important, and I still don’t doubt the computers are much better than a teenaged version of myself holding a highlighter.
But really, Ms. GPS, I don’t need the scenic route next time. Don’t make me dust off the gazetteer.
This article originally appeared on The Daily Record: Siri and her GPS sometimes take the long way around
