Sister is overbearing with her political beliefs. Should sibling continue contact?

QUESTION: My sister and I are political opposites. In the last Oklahoma election runoff, she had all kinds of opinions about who I should vote for in my district. I think she should stick to her own district and her own political party and have told her so. She continues to have advice for me and tries to get me to change my mind about my candidates and says terrible things about people I really like and plan to vote for. Should I continue to politely tell her that she and I see the elections differently, or just avoid her entirely?

CALLIE’S ANSWER: Avoid the conversation. You don't have to talk about politics. Remove yourself from the conversation and try to be kind. Bummer, it can be hard when it's family. Good luck!

LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: Be kind, and don’t attack her personally or her candidates personally. You can set limits and say you don’t think it’s a good idea to talk about these issues. Remember that your relationship runs way deeper than one political cycle; try to redirect her back to why you matter to each other and your shared memories apart from one perspective. After all, in a political race, the candidates don’t even know who you are so you don’t have to defend them. These days, I think it’s important for us to look for ways to find common ground instead of always being on the attack or the defense. Sorting out complicated issues shouldn’t be a gotcha game or reduced to memes and one-sentence posts.

Disagreements over politics don’t have to be ugly. And right now, how we sort them out matters to everyone, no matter which side they’re on, so arguments are going to be passionate. Sometimes what you perceive as her saying ugly things about a candidate might just be her pointing out something specific that the candidate did that she had a problem with. Everything is so charged right now, we’re interpreting everything as an attack. Often, however, the other person might just be pointing out specific statements that to them are untrue, unfair, unkind or unworkable at one moment and not a general criticism of the person’s existence.

I wish we could bring discussions back down to simple, rational disagreements and that people were more open to listening to try to understand different perspectives. These are my favorite conversations — where people with two different viewpoints really seek to understand where the other person is coming from. Even when, at the end, they still disagree, both sides feel heard and understand why a certain perspective matters to another. That is the beginning of finding solutions that work for everyone.

HELEN’S ANSWER: Stay polite and kind to your sister. Remind her that people are entitled to their own opinions and that you have your ideas about the candidates. One of you might change your mind as time goes on, but arguing about it constantly does not help the family dynamics. And, as much as you would like to avoid her, she is your sister, and that would be a huge loss!

GUEST’S ANSWER: Brandon Bixler, AVP/Commercial Lending Officer, NBC Oklahoma: I’ve heard there are three things you should avoid talking about at work: sex, religion, and politics. Unfortunately, it seems the last topic may now be too sensitive for not only the office but also family. The country’s political sensitivity has been heightened before, during and after the 2020 presidential election. No matter what side of the aisle you may be on, there are multiple opportunities to attack, degrade and belittle your political party’s opposition. The new, acceptable political etiquette has seemingly divided offices, families, friends and neighbors like never before. My wife knows this all too well as her first encounter with her future in-laws turned into listening to a 20-minute political debate between parents and son. This was followed by multiple people exiting the living room upset and my wife (girlfriend at the time) being the only person left in the room wondering what just happened as she attempted to hold back the tears.

One of the greatest rights of the United States is the right to freedom of speech. While I could argue freedom of speech has been under attack recently, individuals still have the right to freedom of expression, assembly, protest, etc. Unfortunately, individuals are using their freedom to slander political candidates especially through social media and this is causing division all over the country. The best motto should be: “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

I would continue to kindly voice your concerns and displeasure with your sister regarding her comments about your political candidates and position. She will have to decide if her political opinions are worth more to her than your value as family. If she is unable to put political differences aside, it would be in your best interest to avoid her when possible.

Since 2009, Callie, Lillie-Beth and Helen have written this generational etiquette column. They also include guest responses from a wide range of ages each week. So many years later, Callie is 20-plus; Lillie-Beth is 40-plus and Helen is 60-plus. To ask an etiquette question, email helen.wallace@cox.net.

This article originally appeared on Oklahoman: Sibling wonders if sister pushing political beliefs will divide them