Slain LI Woman's Brother Calls Attention To Domestic Abuse
DEER PARK, NY — When Cathiana Bonny moved to Deer Park a few months ago with her husband and their two children, she was excited for a fresh start in a new home.
However, last month, that exciting new chapter ended in tragedy.
On Nov. 23, Cathiana, 35, was found dead of gunshot wounds, and her husband, 34-year-old Paul Bonny, was arrested and charged with her murder, according to Suffolk police. Detectives determined Paul shot his wife then shot himself, police said.
Her brother, Richard Celestin, said her death was the result of years of abuse.
Celestin described his younger sister as a great person and amazing mother with a good sense of humor. The two were close growing up and had a unique bond. That's why when Cathiana started dating her husband in high school, he became the protective older brother.
"She has one of those personalities that she can pretty much get along with anyone," he told Patch. "She was always someone who despite what she was going through always wanted to make sure everyone else was OK and was looking out for other people."
Photo courtesy of Richard Celestin
Sadly, Cathiana often kept the abuse she was going through behind closed doors, according to Celestin. He said he didn't find out about the extent of the alleged abuse until after she died. And close family friends were shocked over her death, he said.
"I think that my sister was very good at not sharing it I think for several reasons," Celestin said. "I think she carried a certain level of shame and embarrassment for being in that position, and then I think the other aspect of it is that if she told somebody, and that person then became an advocate for her and encouraged her to leave, then they would be seen as a threat to [her husband]."
For Celestin, his relationship with her sister was often strained due to the relationship with her husband, especially once the two moved out to live together when Cathiana was just 17-years-old.
"She started to be isolated with the family," he said. "She wasn’t allowed to work, go to the gym, or hang out with friends. Even when she did work, there were allegations of being with co-workers."
Celestin said he would sometimes go months without speaking to Cathiana and barely spoke to his nieces.
"It wasn’t until recently that she was feeling more empowered to make a move," he said. "She was trying to figure out what she was going to do."
Related:
The coronavirus pandemic has led to a rise in domestic violence over the past few months, according to a Long Island domestic violence group.
Wendy Linsalata, executive director for L.I. Against Domestic Violence, said her organization has seen a 50 percent increase in requests for services offered by the group since the pandemic started. The center offers shelter, counseling, advocacy services and more, even during the pandemic.
She estimates Suffolk police respond to about 20,000 domestic incidents a year. Her organization alone serves anywhere from 10,000 to 14,000 people a year.
Linsalata said for people who are worried their loved ones are being abused, they should look for a sudden withdrawal from friends or families, appearing guarded, not wanting to interact and their partner always being around. While she says this doesn't always indicate abuse, it is something to pay attention to.
Celestin said her sister's situation wasn't influenced by the pandemic, as the abuse started from the beginning of her relationship.
When Cathiana and Paul first moved to Deer Park, police were called one time, according to Celestin, but nothing came from it because Paul was gone by the time police were called and Cathiana downplayed the situation.
After that, Celestin said his sister became more empowered and started to talk more to her family about her options. She spoke to a counselor and was figuring out what she needed to do to make the difficult decision to leave, he said. Celestin said a big issue was finances, as Cathiana was in a situation where she was "stuck" and dependent on him, especially financially.
"Everyone has a tremendous amount of guilt in this situation," he said. "We all feel like, ‘Did we do enough, did we help enough?' But she was so isolated and he had such a strong hold on her that I’m really sure there’s wasn't anything anybody could have done"
Photo courtesy of Richard Celestin
Celestin said he thinks another problem is victims denying they are being abused.
"There are so many signs of abuse and so many different ways a person can be in an abusive relationship," he said. "Unfortunately it’s one of those instances where it continues to escalate and then the worst-case scenario is something like what happened to my sister."
Linsalata echoes this sentiment, calling domestic violence a hidden issue and saying most people on the outside don't see it until it's too late.
If someone does disclose they are being abused, Linsalata said the most important thing is to believe them and help them without getting frustrated.
"We understand that everyone goes at their own pace and actually forcing someone to make a move when they’re not ready can put them in more danger," she said.
For Celestin, one of the things that he regrets is he used to get frustrated with his sister.
"I believed that my sister was almost complicit in this situation," he said. "I would get frustrated, like, ‘Why aren’t you doing more, why aren’t you leaving?’ ... It was very simple and easy for me on the outside looking in to be able to say that without truly understanding the position she was in.
"I would advise people to be understanding, to be present, to be a sounding board, to be supportive."
For more information on domestic violence resources, contact L.I. Against Domestic Violence at 631-666-7181 or visit their website: liadv.org.
This article originally appeared on the Deer Park-North Babylon Patch
