Now that Americans have spent the last three years discussing Russia and all number of alleged Kremlin plots, it is well past time to move on to alluring Ukraine. As we can expect front page stories for the next year or so detailing every scintillating detail of Kiev’s various and sundry intrigues, one can only hope that each and every American will be granted an honorary graduate degree [почетный диплом] in Slavic Studies.
True, ordinary Americans may prefer to devote their time to pondering such crucial issues as U.S. troops continuing to be slain in the endless Afghanistan quagmire or the meltdown of Central America. They could be forgiven for wishing to focus on the trade war with China that is giving American farmers more than a little heartburn and threatens the entire global economy. Climate change, too, must give way before the conferring of advanced degrees in Slavic Studies. American national security is at stake, after all. We practitioners in Slavic Studies ask that you please not get distracted [пожалуйста, не отвлекайся]. By the end of this year, every American should be able to identify the historical significance of the Cossack leader Ivan Mazepa and the geopolitical importance of the battle of Poltava. Certainly, many of us in the field of Slavic Studies have benefited handsomely from all this attention and enjoy going on national TV every evening—sometimes multiple times per day.