Will Smith, Oscars incident opened door to sharing and understanding

Sometimes really good things can come from awfully bad mistakes. And our pain can become our purpose.

In the weeks since actor Will Smith slapped comedian Chris Rock at the Oscars over a joke about his wife's short haircut, alopecia areata, an autoimmune disease that causes hair loss, has been thrust into the national spotlight. Media outlets from CBS News to PBS NewsHour to local newspapers and TV news stations have published or broadcast stories about alopecia and the 147 million people worldwide who suffer from it.

Smith's wife, Jada Pinkett Smith, has a scarring form of alopecia. In the first week of this month, her "Red Table Talk" show focused on the topic for several days in a row.

"Considering what I've been through with my own health and what happened at the Oscars, thousands have reached out to me with their stories," Pinkett Smith said at the outset of the series of episodes. "I'm using this moment to give our alopecia family an opportunity to talk about what it's like to have this condition and to inform people about what alopecia actually is."

My wife has alopecia: I've dried her tears, affirmed her beauty and used only my words to support her.

My wife, Nichole, and I had the privilege of being featured and appeared at the table with Pinkett Smith, her daughter, Willow, and her mother, "Gammy" Adrienne Banfield Norris, in their Los Angeles home. Producers from the show came across a column I had penned after "the slap" and were moved by the story of my wife's journey with alopecia.

In addition to our story, other "Red Table Talk" episodes featured guests such as Niki Ball, the mother of 12-year-old Rio Allred who took her own life after being bullied for having alopecia, and Christie Valdiserri, the first-ever bald Sports Illustrated model who revealed she had alopecia by throwing off her blonde wig on the runway.

Being on "Red Table Talk" was an amazing experience in all the ways you might imagine hanging out with Hollywood celebrities would be. And while I could write about what it was like being in the presence of the Smiths (no, we didn't get to meet Will), the grandeur of their estate and the incredible hospitality we were shown during our visit, there were bigger issues at play.

Jan. 6 hearings: We need a return of old-fashioned establishment Republicans like Rep. Liz Cheney

I was most gratified that my wife got to share her powerful story on a national stage. For almost five full minutes, America got a glimpse of what I see everyday – my wife's courage, her strength, her intelligence, her beauty and megawatt smile that can light up any room. It was significant because she got to do what she does best – inspire others who are walking the same painful path she has conquered. She got to show the country how you can turn your pain into your purpose.

"You got out there and you shared your testimony, but guess what? It wasn't even about you," Damarla Whatley of Blue Ash told my wife in a voicemail after watching our "Red Table Talk" episode. "It was about the other viewers who were watching, and they shared it with other people they knew who had alopecia.

Vaccines: As a pediatrician, I can't wait to vaccinate my under 5 patients against COVID-19

"Your and Kevin's testimony, you changed lives that day," she said. "You gave people hope. You gave people confidence. People threw wigs away, they stopped being emotionally attached to hair, everything. You guys helped to change so many lives that day, and you don't even know it, but you did."

Women coming out of their wigs, weaves and shame is more than we could have hoped for two short months ago. There's no doubt that awareness of alopecia is greater since "the slap." Fewer people now assume that women who wear their hair bald do so by choice or because they have cancer.

But most of all, people are feeling more comfortable about sharing their stories of living with alopecia. Five Greater Cincinnati women are also telling their stories in this Sunday's Enquirer.

"People are learning that alopecia is more common than they think. Everybody knows somebody with alopecia whether they realize it or not," Nichole said. "People are being more open and honest about letting others know they have it now, even if they are still wearing their wigs or weaves. People feel like they are no longer alone."

And as the alopecia community grows, so too does the camaraderie. Nichole and Pinkett Smith bonded on the show. "Your journey reminds me of mine a bit," Pinkett Smith told my wife. Especially the common experience of gritting through painful steroid injections (sometimes 30-40 shots) into their scalps every month.

"It hurts, these little tiny needles," Pinkett Smith said of the treatments, adding that going through the pain wasn't worth it in order to continue hair growth.

"The part that makes it most difficult for me is that it (hair loss) comes and goes. So when you're going through a spout of something, you've got to shave your head because it's falling out. It's stressful; a patch grows and then another patch comes out, and that gives me a lot of anxiety. What's my hair going to look like today?

"I was trying to hold onto it, and then I cut it, you know, and then I was just like bunk it," Pinkett Smith said. "All the trying to manage it … I was just over it."

The two even shared a special moment after the taping when Nichole presented Pinkett Smith with a bald Barbie doll as a gift.

"I'm just grateful that the message is getting across," Nichole said of her biggest takeaway from the experience. "People understand now what I and others are going through. That gives me hope, and it gives me the courage and confidence to continue."

This is a moment that could change the narrative about how society defines beauty, and an opportunity for each of us to develop a little more empathy and sensitivity toward each other. What began with a joke and a slap is rapidly becoming a movement. One I pray continues to gain momentum so that more men, women and children dealing with alopecia can feel comfortable and confident living in their truth.

Opinion Editor Kevin S. Aldridge can be reached at kaldridge@enquirer.com and on  Twitter: @kevaldrid

You can read diverse opinions from our Board of Contributors and other writers on the Opinion front page, on Twitter @usatodayopinion and in our daily Opinion newsletter. To respond to a column, submit a comment to letters@usatoday.com.

This article originally appeared on Cincinnati Enquirer: Will Smith, Oscars incident opened door to understanding on alopecia