‘SNL’ Trump Declares Himself Better Than ‘Nepo Baby’ Jesus

Less than 30 minutes before Easter arrived on the East Coast, Saturday Night Live’s Donald Trump (James Austin Johnson) opened the episode by interrupting The Last Supper to take a page out of Marjorie Taylor Greene’s playbook—and, okay, his own—by listing the many ways he and Jesus Christ could practically be twins.

“A famous, wonderful man arrested for no reason at all,” he said. “If you haven’t put it together folks, I’m comparing myself to Jesus—again. And what better time than on his birthday, Easter?”

Of course, Johnson’s Trump made it clear that he has it much harder than Jesus ever did—crucifixion be damned. But he certainly understands why “many people” (read: Marjorie Taylor Greene) are pointing out the similarities between Trump and Jesus Christ. The former president has his own ideas, though. “We’re both very tall, very popular, and both, frankly, white Americans,” he explained. “Trump” also isn’t afraid to admit that there are some stark differences between him and The Almighty.

“He rose from the dead on the third day,” he said. “I would have done it faster—possibly two. Possibly two days. I think we could have done it a lot faster.”

Like Trump, Jesus had a keen business sense—”water in the wine—pure profit,” he said, and “big, big rallies, just like me.”

“And a lot of his followers got in big, big trouble, just like mine. All because I told them exactly what Jesus would have said: Get very violent and start a war,” he said.

Of course, it wouldn’t be a real Trump speech—or even a mockery of one—without making mention of the former POTUS’ nemesis/pudding enthusiast Ron DeSantis, who Johnson’s Trump described as his own personal Judas. “And now he can’t even get the gays out of Disney World,” he said. “It’s an awful thing.”

Ultimately, however, he argued he might be a better man than Jesus ever was. “Because I’m a self-made billionaire and Christ was—let’s call it what it is—a nepo baby. I mean, his dad was God. It’s pretty easy to start a religion when your daddy’s God.” Which is something the real Trump—and his own kids—can absolutely relate to.

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