A softer, quieter Angela Mickens finds healing, happiness through poetry

STAUNTON — Ask people in Staunton about Angela Mickens and the first response will most likely be related to basketball. And that's OK with her because basketball was such a huge part of her life. She is the all-time leading scorer in girls basketball in Staunton high school history, the best to ever play the game in the city. She led Lee High to a 2012 state championship.

Then she was a star at James Madison University, a passing machine who holds the top two spots in JMU history for assists in a season and is second all-time in career assists. She even coached for a little after college, the game still very much part of who she was.

That was the problem, though. Mickens wasn't sure she knew who she was and it took heartbreak to start searching for the answer.

What most people don't know is, in addition to a basketball star, Mickens is also an extremely talented writer who began crafting poetry in middle school. Using her planner, she'd jot down thoughts for a poem, right beside "math test Tuesday" and "history project due March 1." Occasionally Mickens would flip through the pages and realize there were enough ideas for a complete poem.

It's been 15 years since middle school ended for Mickens but she's still writing poetry, only now she puts her ideas into her phone's notes app instead of a planner.

"It just hits me," she said of ideas. "Whenever it hits me, I usually stop whatever I'm doing to actually write it. It's always been like that."

She recently published her first book of poetry, "Until I Heal," which came out in January. The poems in the book chronicle Mickens' journey to find herself while healing from a failed relationship that began when she was living in Florida after college.

The relationship ended this past summer, with Mickens saying pieces of her were broken when that happened. Mickens' identity was linked to basketball for so long, then it was linked to the relationship. When both were over she realized she was lost.

"I didn't know who I was after this heartbreak," Mickens said.

During the struggles, Mickens said the only things that kept her going were her job at On the Road Collaborative — she's a program director in the after-school program at Wayneboro's Kate Collins Middle School — and writing.

"I got to meet the kids and they don't know what Ms. Angela is going through, but they were everything that I needed, every reason to wake up in the morning and go and keep going for them," Mickens said of the program. "So it did a lot for me."

Still, she didn't want to slip back into that pattern, her identity linked to another person or basketball or, this time, a job. So she worked to find her true self through writing.

Mickens was never someone who cried. She pushed the pain down, didn't want to ever admit she was hurt, physically or mentally. One of the poems in the book, "Day 19," deals with that.

"That's not necessarily a healthy thing," she said. "I had to learn that in this journey. And so 'Day 19' was, I think, my breaking point. You're going to be OK, but you have to embrace the hurt. I cried throughout writing the entire book."

There's another poem titled "Cry."

"I've given myself permission to feel because I don't ever want to be numb or my heart to be frozen ever again," she said. "So when it happens, I verbally, out loud, give myself permission to cry and I do so."

She also wrote "Super without the Hero," saying it allows her superpower to be love while understanding she may not always save people from their problems. She wants to simply be what she calls a flashlight in people's lives. There's pressure in always trying to save someone and she often felt like failure if she couldn't do it.

"So I'm just a resource now," she said. "You know, I do it with love. It can be dark but the love is going to be the flashlight that continues whether you follow it or not."

The poems don't have punctuation, which was intentional. Mickens said healing doesn't end so she didn't want any periods in the book. She's already thinking about a second book, but for now she's happy with the feedback she's gotten on the first one.

Jen Brown, who coaches basketball at Queen's University in Charlotte, was an assistant coach at JMU when Mickens played. She called Mickens one of her favorite people ever. She bought "Until I Heal" and shared it with her team. Seeing her former player publish a book of poetry wasn't shocking.

"Nothing she does on or off the court surprises me," Brown said. "This book reflects the phenomenal loving human being she is. I couldn’t be more proud of her."

Mickens feels like she's a softer person now. It was difficult to be soft or at least show that side of herself as a basketball player. Now she shows it a lot more often. She's also quieter. Always a big talker, Mickens finds herself doing more listening these days. And the words she uses are more the written variety than the spoken.

Mickens said you never know what somebody is going through and she just hopes those written words can help others on their healing journey.

As for Mickens, she's come a long way since that heartbreak. Her writing has helped get her there.

"I'm happy," she said. "That's exactly where I want to be. I want to be happy."

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— Patrick Hite is The News Leader's education reporter. Story ideas and tips always welcome. Contact Patrick (he/him/his) at phite@newsleader.com and follow him on Twitter @Patrick_Hite. Subscribe to us at newsleader.com.

This article originally appeared on Staunton News Leader: Angela Mickens publishes first book of poetry.