A couple wants to require wedding guests to send proof of vaccination and a negative COVID-19 test.
The mother of the groom is concerned this is "overkill," but a wedding planner says it's fine.
It was likely a tough decision for a couple and it's a way to make the event safer for everyone.
Dear Wedding Planner:
I am writing to you for advice on COVID-19 protocols for my son's wedding. His fiancée is asking for everyone to be fully vaccinated and send proof. Everyone who is coming has been very accepting of this boundary and we have received the proof from all our guests.
I'm in agreement about people being fully vaccinated; however, I think it's over-the-top to require all guests who have already submitted their vaccination information to also be tested 48 to 72 hours before the wedding and send proof to her for that too! Both my husband and myself are very uncomfortable with this idea.
I think it is OK to request a test but to require it is overkill. We trust our guests to do the honorable thing. What is your opinion?
Mother of the Groom
Dear Mother of the Groom:
I understand why you and your husband may be questioning the boundary set by your son and his fiancée. All of the guests are vaccinated so why do they also have to test? Didn't they already do the hard thing?!
Yes, you all did and I appreciate you doing it. Thank you for getting vaccinated! Still, a vaccine isn't the only way people can protect themselves — we still know that COVID-19 can spread amongst fully vaccinated people and that it spreads more easily indoors.
Not having spoken to your son or his fiancée, I assume that they had very challenging discussions between the two of them about how to help those they love and also themselves be safe on their wedding day given the details above.
I know this is true because it's not easy to make the request your son and his fiancée are making.
Many of us are tired of the pandemic, and the folks planning weddings are particularly over it because they have to continuously bring up a deadly disease in relation to what's supposed to be the happiest day of their lives.
So, based on what I'm seeing in every couple I'm talking to right now, your son and his fiancée may have struggled to get to this point. My hunch is they ultimately decided to set this boundary because they want to host an event that keeps people safe.
This is important for two reasons:
Of course, we all want people to be safe.
As we all know, it is much easier to feel joy when we also feel safe. And that, really, is what a wedding is all about: Joy.
So, is it "over-the-top" to ask fully vaccinated guests to also test negative COVID-19? Will your guests feel like they're not being trusted? Should you and your husband tell your son and his fiancée to change the boundaries of their wedding?
My answer to all of these (very understandable) questions is the same: Nope.
Nope, it's not over-the-top.
Nope, guests will probably not feel like they're not being trusted. In fact, in my experience, guests often appreciate when tests are required because then they know for sure that there are safety measures in place.
And nope, we shouldn't ask your son and his fiancée to violate the boundaries of their wedding.
I recognize this might not be the answer you wanted to hear. I hope you and your husband still find value in it.
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