A son's final tribute to his mom at Christmas
When your mother calls to tell you she needs to meet with you about end-of-life planning, you have two obligations: you go, and you listen. One of my mother’s directives gave me pause: she did not want an obituary written or published. The reasons why are hers alone, and that is enough for me. Several years and innumerable conversations following that meeting, Dr. Martha Vines Henderson of Baton Rouge died peacefully on December 20 at the age of 84. My brothers and I will honor her wishes.
If I did write an obituary though, I would tell the story of a young girl from Jackson Parish born in the latter years of the Great Depression, the oldest of eight children from the union of her parents, Dwight and Marie Vines. They filled a small house not far from the local paper mill where her father and seemingly most of the town worked. After high school, Mom rode the bus every day from Hodge to Ruston to attend her beloved Louisiana Tech where she studied to become a teacher.
Her first teaching assignment was at Fair Park High School in Shreveport. It was there at one of her first faculty meetings she saw a football/basketball coach “with tan, muscular legs and the bluest of blue eyes” named Clem. They married in 1963. When Dad moved into administration at Fair Park, Mom taught for a few years at Woodlawn, then helped establish the new Southwood High School.
Mom returned to school multiple times to pursue graduate studies, obtaining her Master of Education at Tech and her plus 30 at LSU. She went on to obtain an EdD in Curriculum and Instruction at the University of Arkansas. I still have vivid memories of the sound of that IBM Selectric Typewriter clicking away at all hours and vaguely recall a frantic search for 100% cotton bond paper on which she would type a dissertation that became a model for future doctoral students at the university.
A lifelong learner in the truest sense, she went back to school to earn a Master of Arts in Library and Information Science at the University of Oklahoma. When her sons kidded her about graduate study on how to calculate fines and stamp due dates in books, she made us read her thesis and report on it. Lesson learned.
As a professor and head of the Department of Education at John Brown University in Siloam Springs, AR; professor of education at Northwestern State University in Natchitoches; and with a stint as president of the National Council for the Accreditation of Teacher Education, Mom spent the predominance of her career advancing the development of teachers. Her true love, though, was the library. She ran the library at John Brown, then led the technology migration for the library at Northwestern in the early 90s. She took immense pride in her role in the early days of the development of Louisiana’s groundbreaking consortium of academic libraries, LOUIS. When I told her I was invited to give a keynote to the LOUIS annual convention this past fall, she sent me 14 scholarly papers on the modern library…within 30 minutes…then quizzed me on them at our next visit. She retired as the Assistant Vice President and Dean of Graduate Studies at Northwestern ~20 years ago but continued to read voraciously and research tirelessly until quite recently.
She was preceded in death by her beloved husband of 51 years, Clem; her parents, Dwight and Marie (Wallis) Vines; sisters Audrey Vines, Billy Sue Jackson, and Judy Foster; and brother Dwight Delbert Vines.
She is survived by her sons, Clem Jr. and wife Jennifer of Lafayette; Charles of Lewisville, TX; and me and my wife Tonia of Baton Rouge; her grandchildren, Hannah Henderson of Lafayette; Jarred Henderson and wife Hannah of Nashville, TN; Jenna Henderson of Lake Charles; Isaack Henderson of Lafayette; Reagan Henderson San Roman and husband Zachary of Miami, FL; and Nicholas Henderson and Alexander Henderson of Baton Rouge; her great-grandchildren Zachary Joseph, Maria Thérèse, Miguel Clement, and Lucille Magdalena San Roman of Miami, FL; sisters Beverly Goodrich of Hackberry, Norma Ann Head of West Monroe, Donna Rae Vines of Ruston, and Margie Humphrey of Saline; brother Dwight “Bo” Vines, Jr. of Hodge; and numerous nieces and nephews.
She was a loving mother to her children and adored her grandchildren and great-grandchildren. The love of her life, though, was Clem. Though distinct in personality, experiences, and senses of humor, they shared a passion for improving the human condition. Both dedicated their lives to education, both gave of themselves routinely and generously to numerous civic and community callings, both exemplified the virtues of charity and kindness, both ultimately donated their bodies to LSU Health to advance science education, to advance humanity.
If she would have allowed me to write an obituary, she would have insisted I thank the caring nurses and staff of St. Joseph Hospice in Baton Rouge, particularly Kelsey, “T,” Consuela, and Deacon Mike; and the loving staff of Whealdon Estates. She would especially want me to express her deepest gratitude to the amazing Brenda Guy. Brenda’s angelic presence gave Mom companionship, tender care with dignity, and comfort even in her worst days.
Beyond the obituary, Mom was adamant there was to be no funeral or memorial service. I know that is a difficult concept to accept, especially for those who would love a formal opportunity to celebrate her life and say goodbye. Call it her final act of the authentic humility which, together with unfailing integrity and insatiable intellectual curiosity, defined her. If you want to memorialize her life of service, consider a gift in her name to the Louisiana Tech general scholarship fund or to your local library. And while you are at it, take the time to thank a teacher or a librarian. Nothing would make Mom happier or better honor her memory.
With deepest appreciation,
Jim Henderson
University of Louisiana System President
This article originally appeared on Lafayette Daily Advertiser: A son's final tribute to his mom at Christmas
