Sorry, but Drew Carey’s TV Musical ‘Geppetto’ Is Still the Superior Version of ‘Pinocchio’

It’s a big year for fans of the world’s most famous Italian puppet, Pinocchio. In fact, you might say we’re in the midst of a Pinocchio-aissance by the internet’s standards. Disney+ just released a live-action/CGI remake of the 1940 Walt Disney classic directed by Robert Zemeckis. Guillermo del Toro has a “darker,” stop-motion animated version of Carlo Collodi’s fairytale coming to theaters and Netflix later this year. And then there was the bizarre-looking Russian film Pinocchio: A True Story back in March that featured some memorable voice-acting from former MTV VJ Pauly Shore.

Personally, I’m not excited about any of this, nor am I even sure why it’s happening. Despite my appreciation for Zemeckis and Del Toro, I can’t imagine spending my free time watching either of their movies. Like many people, I have IP exhaustion (except in the case of Barbie). But mainly, I’ve seen and read enough iterations of Pinocchio in my lifetime that I don’t need its biblical allegories pounded into my adult brain yet again.

The Live-Action ‘Pinocchio’ Remake Is Even Worse Than We Imagined

The only good thing about this year’s trio of competing Pinocchio movies is that it’s miraculously given me the opportunity to recommend the only version of this creepy-ass children’s story worth watching: The Wonderful World of Disney’s Geppetto, starring Drew Carey and Julia Louis-Dreyfus.

For those who haven’t seen it, Geppetto is not a gritty, Joker-esque origin story about the famous toymaker before he fathered a wooden boy (although, I might be interested in seeing that take). The made-for-TV movie musical, released in 2000, is a pretty paint-by-the-numbers retelling of the Disney cartoon starring Carey, at the height of his comedy career and sitcom fame, doing some great dad-acting and then-working child actor Seth Adkins as a bratty Pinocchio. Louis-Drefyus is an absolute dream as the Blue Fairy and shows off some wonderful singing chops. The biggest delight, however, is watching a 22-year-old Usher briefly appear as the Ringmaster at Pleasure Island to perform the movie’s best and catchiest song (fittingly called “Pleasure Island”).

Like most pre-streaming TV movies, Geppetto is not exactly visually remarkable, aside from a cutely designed set that looks like it was lifted from The Wonderful World of Disney’s Cinderella in 1997. However, the film shines as a fun, energetic musical production, thanks to Stephen Schwartz’s infectious compositions—an upgrade from the utterly bop-less 1940 animated film (yes, I’m including “When You Wish Upon A Star”!). “Empty Heart,” sung by Geppetto after a day of interacting with children at his shop, is an absolutely heart-wrenching ballad. And “Satisfaction Guaranteed” is such an earworm that I somehow remembered every lyric when I recently watched this movie for the first time in about 15 years.

It’s also an impressive and interesting ensemble film to look back on. The cast is a mix of recognizable stars from that era of television, including Ana Gasyeter, Brent Spiner, and Wayne Brady, and soon-to-be teen stars, such as Sara Paxton and Janell Parrish. Namely, it’s a surprisingly solid vehicle for Carey, who I don’t have strong feelings about as an actor (although I think The Drew Carey Show is one of the worst long-running network sitcoms of all time). Yet he evokes a lot of empathy as a lonely, childless man who’s thrust into an extremely odd parenting situation and some pretty traumatic peril. He’s not the best singer or dancer, but his awkwardness perfectly lends itself to a rather naive, bumbling character.

But ultimately, what makes Geppetto more watchable than the Disney cartoon or 1996’s The Adventures of Pinocchio—where Jonathan Taylor Thomas voiced a frightening rendering of the puppet—is that it removes a level of eerie-ness from the story of Pinocchio, which notably involves kidnapping, child slavery, boys being cursed into donkeys, and Geppetto being swallowed by a giant sperm whale. There’s something about seemingly light-hearted children’s stories containing overt Biblical lessons about obeying authority and resisting temptation (or else!) that I find slightly disturbing. Geppetto, with its endearing, homemade quality and saccharine moments, adds some levity to the story’s intense messaging and dark plot points.

The annoying part about recommending Geppetto, unfortunately, is that it’s not available on Disney+ or any other streaming platform besides YouTube. It took folks tweeting non-stop about Brandy’s Cinderella in order for Disney to get a clue and add that movie to its streaming library, so maybe it’ll take some vocal petitioning from fans like myself to properly preserve this underrated masterpiece. This is me trying!

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