Sorry Haters: Kim Kardashian Was Seriously Good in ‘American Horror Story’

When it was first announced that Kim Kardashian would star in the 12th season of American Horror Story approximately 729 years ago in April 2023, I was left with only one conclusion: “This is going to be appointment television.” While I wouldn’t necessarily call Part 1 of AHS: Delicate “can’t-miss TV” now that I’ve seen the material, it certainly was an interesting way to spend five weeks. (Part 1 bowed its head tonight after five episodes; Part 2 will air sometime in the vast and unpredictable future, if ever.)

If you didn’t catch these first five episodes, here’s what you missed: A naive indie movie ingenue, Anna Victoria Alcott (Emma Roberts), is making the rounds on a promo tour after her surprise hit film The Auteur launched her modest star into the celebrity stratosphere. During that time, Anna and her boyfriend Dexter (Matt Czuchry) are trying to conceive a child, only to be confronted with strange happenings like stalkers, false miscarriages, and worst of all: phantom Google Calendar notifications. Luckily, Anna’s faithful publicist Siobhan Corbyn (Kardashian) has been there to hold her hand through every inexplicable occurrence—or maybe, throw her into them.

If that sounds like Rosemary’s Baby for TikTok-addicted Zoomers, you’d be right on the money. While not much has actually happened in the way of plot development in Part 1, it did affirm that Kardashian was indeed the sole reason to tune into AHS: Delicate. Week after week, she’s been dragging her stiletto across a tightrope situated between campiness and genuinely irresistible character work, outdoing all of her costars. (Yes, I’m being serious; no, the Kardashian-Jenner camp isn’t paying me, despite what people with two followers on social media might suggest!) But did Kim bring it all home in the Part 1 finale, so that we’ll actually want to tune into Part 2, whenever it may premiere? Let’s just say: Nothing can keep Siobhan Corbyn down!

This week in Siobhan’s world: Anna is basking in the glow of her Golden Globe nomination, but so is Siobhan’s other, more renowned client Babette (Taylor Richardson), who is nominated in the same category as Anna. (Good thing it’s the Globes, which means that both of them can be assured that their careers will go absolutely nowhere, no matter who wins!) Knowing that Babette has a much better shot at taking home the gold, Anna resigns herself to focusing on her pregnancy over gunning for an award, leaving all of the show’s tertiary characters to finally do something… anything!

Anna’s mysterious stalker, Preecher (Julie White) corners Dex’s mother Virginia (Debra Monk), who has publicly accused her ex-husband of satanic, ritual abuse in a court of law. Preecher tells Virginia that Dex and Anna are in danger because Dex defected from a satanic cult after he fell in love with his deceased wife, Adeline. Preecher suggests that Anna is in peril because the cult has found a way to exact their revenge through Anna’s child, as they did to Preecher back in the ’80s.

Yeah, yeah, but what does Kim’s character have to do with all of that? I’m so glad you asked. I’ve been dying to tell you.

We still don’t have too many details, but we learned in last week’s episode that Siobhan has a pact with the Ashleys—two ancient witches who have been making devil-baby deals for centuries—and is pulling the strings with the director of Anna’s movie, Hamish (Dominic Burgess), who Siobhan is screwing in secrecy. This week, Siobhan and Hamish reconvene for dinner, exchanging searing glances over equally seared scallops. But Siobhan’s icy demeanor has become too much for Hamish to handle, and he demands to know the truth.

“I already came over here for dinner with you, as if we’re, like, a couple,” Siobhan says to Hamish, after he snatches her phone out of her hands to try to get her to pay attention to their conversation. “Now I have to fucking listen to you talk? That’s way too much to ask of me.” Kardashian spits all of these lines out of her mouth in pure, delicious disgust, as if she just realized one of her scallops was totally raw on the inside.

Kim Kardashian Promises to ‘Break Your Dick Off’ in ‘American Horror Story’

When Hamish persists, Siobhan asks what he could possibly want to know. “I want to know the truth,” Hamish responds. “[The truth about] that film script you gave me a year ago, the one you told me to put my name on and direct without any other information whatsoever, including who wrote it and how you got your hands on it. That film, which everyone, including my own agents, told me would go absolutely nowhere—especially if I cast Anna Victoria Alcott, who you insisted upon—is now the frontline awards contender and has been nominated for no less than 11 Golden Globes … What the fuck is going on, Siobhan? And who the hell are you?”

In this scene, Kim repeatedly gets to do what she does best: cast long, steely glares across a large kitchen table. Kim shines when she can incorporate elements of her own life into Siobhan, and the way she got to scowl in this sequence was no doubt similar to the way she probably looked at her ex-husband over a meal in their terrifying concrete fortress of a home.

But as powerful as Siobhan Corbyn seems to be, not even she can sway the Hollywood Foreign Press Association! Anna ends up losing her Golden Globe to Babette, foiling the plans that Siobhan and her mysterious cohorts have had in motion for months. Luckily, the elite head of Corbyn PR has a few more tricks up her snakeskin sleeves.

Anna receives a call from Siobhan, who tells her that she’s just as disappointed as her client is—even though Siobhan really shouldn’t be playing favorites. Still, she has her eyes on a much bigger prize. “I’m going to ask you something,” Siobhan says to Anna over the phone, “Do you want an Oscar? Do you want it as much as a baby?” It was at this very moment that me and the 37 other people watching across America stood up and cheered. We had been waiting for this loony scene to appear after it was teased in this season’s promos, and it did not disappoint.

Anna responds with a resounding “yes” to all of Siobhan’s questions, including: “Are you willing to do whatever I say to get [an Oscar]?” Siobhan runs with Anna’s verbal permission, and Anna is briefly grabbed and incapacitated by a hand from offscreen. Anna awakens the next morning to the news that Babette was decapitated in a grisly car crash, and Part 1 of AHS: Delicate ends with her phone vibrating with an incoming call from Siobhan. I’ve seen people lose their heads over Kim Kardashian, but never quite like this! Sorry.

With no release date for Part 2, and no idea of when the SAG strike will end—allowing Kardashian and co. to resume filming the latter half of the season—we’re left with numerous questions. Was that really B-12 that Siobhan supplied to Anna in little vials, or was it just Hawaiian Punch? Why would Siobhan not just simply work less hard to do publicity for Babette, and save herself the trouble of orchestrating an entire decapitation to get Anna’s name back in the spotlight? And perhaps most importantly: Why was Kim’s character named Siobhan?

Given that she’s so proud of her Armenian heritage, it was a bold move to cast Kim freaking Kardashian as a woman named Siobhan, which is a classically Irish name. But maybe the Corbyns have a prominent lineage back on the Emerald Isle? We just have no way of knowing until AHS: Delicate gives birth to its second installment. Until then, we’ll just have to ride high on the inevitable compilations of Siobhan Corbyn Shady Diva Moments that will be popping up on YouTube any day now, likely courtesy of yours truly.

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