‘Sparks were flying’ recently for 2 Tampa Bay seniors, but others are waiting to date

ST. PETERSBURG — Bud Anderson had finally found a romantic match when the pandemic began. The mustached pair had been on a handful dates to the movies and dined at restaurants near Tyrone Square Mall.

The 63-year-old had been single for five years since moving to the Sunshine City after his partner of 30 years died. But once the pandemic hit last March, Anderson hunkered down alone in his West Lealman apartment, unable to continue dating his new paramour.

He adopted a dark calico cat named Honey and started taking saxophone classes on Zoom, but he misses companionship.

“I get pretty lonely,” Anderson said. “I haven’t found a solution for it.”

For more than a year, the world has been in various stages of coronavirus lockdowns. For many, dating has moved online. But for some seniors who weren’t comfortable with that, romances ground to a halt.

As we enter the post-pandemic period, Tampa Bay seniors have varying thoughts about dating. Some aren’t ready to venture out yet, and others are beginning cautiously with outdoor get-togethers and making sure their suitors are vaccinated.

Anderson isn’t sure when he’ll be ready. He’s fully vaccinated and plans to continue with his new normal — outdoor band practices, outdoor dining with friends and indoor mass at Saint Teresa of Calcutta Catholic Church. But he’s not going to pool parties or cookouts to meet people like he used to.

“I think I’m just numb to it after a year,” he said. “I’m not really holding my breath over meeting someone.”

Some older adults don’t mind the isolation, but most people have social needs, said Victor Molinari, professor in the University of South Florida’s School of Aging Studies. And when those needs are not met, seniors can suffer from loneliness and depression, he said, which can even lead people to stop taking care of themselves — from forgetting to take their medicine to not showering.

“When you’re alone, it can be lethal,” Molinari said. “And the antidote to that is to find somebody out there.”

Older adults may be suffering from loneliness more than the rest of the population, he said, particularly those who struggled to use technology to make connections or those who weren’t interested in trying it.

Most Florida seniors are vaccinated, which gives some more hope, Molinari said, but they also understand that unvaccinated seniors are still among the most vulnerable to the coronavirus.

“Older adults are social beings just as younger adults are, and we want to give them the opportunity to socialize as much as they can,” he said.

Unfortunately, most local senior centers closed during the pandemic. Molinari hopes they are gearing up to welcome seniors back — with safety precautions — because many befriend and date people they meet at center classes.

The Gulfport Senior Center offered 70 to 80 in-person classes every week before the pandemic, said supervisor Rachel Cataldo. Now, it offers 25 online and outdoor, socially-distanced classes and has re-opened its gym with reduced capacity.

The center and its classes are the main form of socialization for a lot of seniors, Cataldo said. Many are pushing to come back, and the center plans to more fully reopen once the area maintains a coronavirus positivity rate of 5 percent or lower.

Many seniors are returning in different health than before the pandemic, Cataldo said. Some have been walking and keeping busy, and appear the same. But others are in worse health, she said.

“You can see their spirits have deteriorated,” Cataldo said.

For those returning to classes, safety procedures such as distancing and prohibitions on physical contact may be unwelcome. People want those hugs and handshakes, she said.

“This new normal is not even close to what people want,” Cataldo said. “I think it will be difficult for people to get used to it.’

It’s common for seniors to meet romantic suitors at the center, she said. They’ve even hosted a few weddings of people who built relationships there.

Other Tampa Bay seniors have re-entered the dating scene after getting their shots.

Donna Sebastian, 74, went on her first date in a year three weeks ago at the Sea Dog Cantina, a Mexican restaurant in Gulfport.

The snowbird, who spends half of the year in Gulfport and the other half in Pittsburgh, didn’t feel comfortable dating while she was up north where it was too cold to dine outdoors. But when she came to Florida, Sebastian began to date online and met her current boyfriend.

“Down here I feel a little bit better,” she said. “You can eat outdoors.”

The pair talked for hours on the phone after emailing back and forth and eventually met once they were vaccinated. They holed up at the restaurant for three hours, Sebastian remembered.

“I was so excited,” she said. “The sparks were flying.”

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