Speaker delivers anti-bullying message at Elkhart schools

Oct. 15—ELKHART — The way students can bully is different today than in the past, a change that parents need to be aware of, author and speaker John Halligan said Thursday during a presentation for Elkhart Community Schools.

"When I was young, there would usually be a fight after school and that was the end of it — you either became friends or moved on," he said. "We didn't have the internet to come home to and find another way to torment each other."

Halligan has been talking to students and parents about bullying, cyberbullying, depression and suicide since he lost his son, Ryan, to suicide in Vermont in 2003. Ryan was 13 years old.

Ryan's parents knew he was being bullied at school and had taken some steps to deal with it, but it wasn't until after Ryan's death that they learned how pervasive the bullying had been. The bullying had been especially bad online, where one of Ryan's peers had spread a rumor about Ryan, causing others to bully him, Halligan said.

Halligan spoke to a small group of parents and members of the public at Elkhart High School auditorium Thursday evening on learning what led to Ryan's suicide 19 years ago. Earlier in the day, he shared Ryan's story with middle school students.

His presentation reflected on how to reduce cyberbullying and how bystanders can make a difference. He noted that when Ryan was in middle school, he and his classmates used online instant messaging, but it was before MySpace and Facebook were around and before most students so commonly had cellphones, which mean kids can easily send texts, videos or photos anytime.

"As Ryan's dad, I completely underestimated the effect of emotional bullying and what Ryan was going through," he said. "I made the mistake of looking at my own childhood experience."

Halligan made several suggestions to help parents save themselves from what his family endured. Much of his recommendations were about technology use. Some suggestions he shared were to delay giving kids a phone until after eighth grade, take advantage of Apple's screen time limits, and consider not only the age of the child but the maturity.

Bullying has been a hot topic at Elkhart Community Schools following a student suicide in March. Halligan comes to Elkhart to speak to students every other year, perhaps now being as crucial as ever.

"We have situations in the school corporation from time to time with students who are dealing with depression and suicidal ideation; so we want to keep talking about it so people will feel like they have an avenue to speak on it," said Todd Kelly, a behavior consultant with the district.

The district has really tried to reduce bullying in the schools, however it can be difficult to detect if the issue has gotten worse or better, Kelly said

"What's interesting is, as you address the issue of bullying and get people talking about it more, the numbers initially go up because people feel safe enough to talk about it, which is where we're at in our community," he said.

Kelly offered his appreciation for Halligan's presentation.

"I think what's especially important is what he shaped about the relationship between bullying and suicide; it's always much more complicated than that," he said. "It's not just a cause-and-effect relationship, but certainly there is a relationship. So, as we're struggling to address bullying behaviors and whatnot, we want people to be aware of how serious it is."

Bobbi Johnson is the legal guardian to her two grandchildren and brought them to Thursday's presentation. Both children have endured bullying at ECS and one even contemplated suicide, she said.

"That's why it was so important for us to come to this presentation," Johnson said. "I thought the presentation was great, very emotional."

Johnson said she believes bullying has dwindled some and commended the district for taking proactive steps in trying to address the issue.

"I think the district is definitely trying as hard as they can," she said. "I'm always getting things from the high school that say, 'If you hear, see or experience bullying, you can report it anonymously,' and that's what needs to be done so kids don't feel afraid to report it."

Halligan is the author of books released in 2019 called "Ryan's Story: Loved Beyond Belief," for middle- and high-school students, and "Ryan's Story: A Father's Hard-Earned Lessons About Cyberbullying and Suicide," meant for adults.

Halligan's other suggestions, more about Ryan's story and other resources are available at Halligan's website, www.RyansStory.org.