The standard of marriage should up to the individual couple to decide | Opinion
Recently my wife went to get her Real ID but was told that our Kentucky marriage certificate wasn't accepted as a valid document proving her name change; this even though it was signed by her minister and my father, a Navy Chaplain who co-officiated the ceremony. The State required a certified copy that proved the document was real and our marriage was valid according to the laws of Tennessee.
Even though a hassle, I understand the concern here. The purpose of the Real ID is the security of people who are dependent upon our being who we say we are when we do things like boarding an airplane.
I signed many marriage licenses and certificates as an ordained Presbyterian minister, and every one that I signed in Tennessee has asked if it were a religious or civil service. In a time when ordination is as simple as finding the right internet site, I wonder what the point of that question is.
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Sure, there are rules being contemplated and laws passed that will limit a person's ability to perform a marriage with an online ordination, but what's the point? Really, all the State's concern is that the people getting married be of legal age and sound mind and able to legally sign a contract, that determination is made when the couple gets their marriage license. Whether the officiant is a minister or a judge or a mayor, what we are doing is signing a contract that the State has already decided is valid.
A religious marriage ceremony is, of course, dependent a church's tradition, but it is essentially a blessing of covenant vows that have nothing to do with the contractual concerns of the State. Ministers can refuse to perform a marriage, and a religious organization can refuse to recognize the validity of a marriage contract that it finds offensive. The State can no more force a minister to perform a marriage of people it has determined to able to sign the marriage contract than it can force a church to hire a female minister because of laws against sexual discrimination.
It's time to separate the marriage standards of churches from those of the State. When people who are legally able to sign a contract obtain a marriage license, they should be married in the eyes of the State. The State may include some steps such as a waiting period, but the marriage contract is essentially paperwork. Religious organizations then can solemnize the relationships in ways that are in keeping with their traditions so that the covenant relationship is more than paperwork.
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I realize that there are folks who consider same sex marriages anathema, but their view is based in their tradition and is not shared by everyone, nor should it be shared by the State when the people who are entering the marriage contract do so willingly and by the same standards that other contracts are considered legal.
Throughout our history, standards have changed about marriage because they didn't work or were repressive – the marriage of divorced people and interracial marriages to name two. There were many who considered these to be immoral or unbiblical or just offensive, but the State was willing to recognize those marriages because its legal standards were met. It's past time that homosexual couples can rest in the knowledge that their marriages will enjoy the same protections.
David Sawyer is a retired Presbyterian Church (USA) minister; serving 26 years in the First Presbyterian Church of Spring Hill, TN. David is married with two children and two grandchildren.
This article originally appeared on Nashville Tennessean: Opinion: The standard of marriage should up to the couple to decide
