Sturgis Writers' Mill: Sneeze guards (The untold story.)
There‘s a closely guarded secret in the old lady community. It’s not talked about; it’s not in the open. It’s sneeze guards. I became privy to this closely-guarded secret only about ten years ago, by accident.
My friend and I had gone to church. There was a potluck right after. A group of ladies were standing around and one of them said something really funny. (I don’t remember what.) My friend laughed hard. I mean really hard. A minute later, she grabbed my arm and pushed me outside. “I have to go home,” she said grabbing her keys from her purse. “You can go with me, or stay for the potluck. It’s up to you.” I was concerned for my friend, and wasn’t quite getting it. “Are you sick? is everything okay?” I asked.
“Toni,” she said, looking at me eyeball to eyeball. “I laughed too hard, and I wasn’t wearing a sneeze guard. Get it?”
I wasn’t. Sometimes I can be a bit slow. “No,” I said slowly.
She tried again.” If you’ve ever laughed too hard, or coughed, or sneezed, and you’re an older women, especially if you’ve had children, it might mean you have to change. Get it?”
I did. “Oh I said, comprehension starting to dawn. I see. “Sneeze guards? Cute name.”
“Yes, our special name for them. You coming with me?”
“Yes,” I said. “You go, I go.” Which could be called magnanimous, except for the fact I rode with her and didn’t have a ride home, and rented a room in her house?
We laughed all the way home on that ride. We laughed about the sneeze guards and our special names for them. I later told a young friend about sneeze guards, and she thought it was something you put under your nose. I realized this might be something I needed to share with the world. I mean lives could be shattered without this knowledge.
Case in point: a couple have been dating a while. They are older and taking things more slowly.
Tonight’s the night. They have been going together for five years, know each other well, and even like each other’s children. They have the same likes; agree on
religion, politics, and world peace. He decides to pop the question. They drive to a nice restaurant, but before asking her, he tells a joke. She always laughs at his jokes, another thing he loves about her. This time however, she didn’t really laugh at the joke. What’s this, a crack in the veneer of their relationship? It was his best joke ever. His world turns upside down. Maybe she no longer thinks he is funny. Maybe she doesn’t love him. He takes her home without asking her. In fact, he never asks her. They drift for a while, only to break up. He becomes an embittered old man, and she starts collecting stuff. Their lives are shattered.
It could have been avoided if she had worn a sneeze guard. She could have laughed freely.
This is a warning. Wear your sneeze guards and live your best life. Laugh, sneeze, and cough freely. With your sneeze guard firmly in place, you can be free to go forth and live!
Writer’s tip: Never be afraid to laugh.
Writer’s bio: I’m told my sense of humor is one of the best things about me. If this is not true, I’ve been lied to!
— Sturgis Writers’ Mill is a community of writers who constructively encourage, support and challenge each other as they discover their unique voices. Any opinion expressed is solely that of the author.
This article originally appeared on Sturgis Journal: Sturgis Writers' Mill: Sneeze guards (The untold story.)
