Successful marriages involve working together and maturity

·4 min read
Faye Harris
Faye Harris

Few of us are exact fits when we get married, especially when we’re young. A woman needs to feel loved. The man goes off to do his thing, whatever job he uses for employment, while a woman’s work is everything that needs to be done around the house, making the children and hubby feel cared for plus often a job outside the home. This can put her needs somewhere down the line.

I believe this is the main cause for divorce. By the time the man finally figures out what’s going on, it’s often too late. Talking in depth often ends soon after the marriage vows are over and the children begin making their grand entrance. Quite often we can add to this fact that males can mature later than females. This can mean the "big boy" is still looking for attention from someone who still has the time to look like she just stepped out of a fashion catalog while taking care of everything about the house and children while continuing to give him the attention he is used to.

Each day hubby goes off to conquer the world of business, thinking mainly of his job and his success, while the woman’s mind always appears to be of the diversified variety, that of doing ALL of her jobs in addition to losing some of that weight she’s gained so she’ll still be appealing to the man of her dreams, the one she married.

Often the woman is the first one to approach the idea of divorce because she’s just had enough of feeling ignored instead of rewarded for her efforts. The one who is supposed to be the weaker one has gained strength.

Add to this that attractive young thing who works near hubby and offers him some of the attention he no longer gets at home and the "mix" really starts churning. HE might take her for coffee, plus more, and the wife now gets less attention and appreciation than she got before.

Guess what? If there is a divorce and HE marries this cutie the cycle frequently repeats itself. So what’s the answer to this whole thing? Several things come to mind. 1) What is Dad’s and Mom’s example in their own home? How do the man's and the wife’s example show their children the value of a loving relationship? 2) Do both Dad and Mom laud the success of each family member and help each choose to enhance the strengths of all? 3) Marrying when they are both a bit more mature and delaying children until both are ready to take on a somewhat equal responsibility. 4) Should a difficulty appear, how about swapping jobs for a while so each can see what the jobs of the other entails? (Nothing teaches like experience.) 5) I realize some may feel this is the wrong thing to approach, but how about a "trial marriage" so some light might be shed on how the other half really lives? This could merely be "practice" until the real thing comes along.

A few suggestions to strengthen any relationship: Take time together regardless of the size and the responsibilities of the family. Each person in any relationship needs to feel valued and loved, plus this could be a great example that couples set for their offspring.

Let the dads do men things with both sons and daughters and let the boys learn to cook and do things that women find interesting. Some men make the best nurses, and some women make the most understanding doctors.

And, for those who haven’t yet taken the plunge: I’d like to wish you the best of luck and bon voyage.

P.S. When something like this is read, it does no good unless it is understood, ingested and desired by one who is mature enough to make corrections where needed, and the flip side of the coin is if there is any reticence on the side of either party there could be only heartbreak and perhaps they should look at the venture of marriage again; the marriage you save could be your own.

Faye Harris is a former Lenawee County resident who retired from North Adams Schools. She can be reached at

This article originally appeared on The Daily Telegram: Faye Harris: Successful marriages involve working together and maturity

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