Survivor Recap: Nice Guys Finish Last

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Last week’s jam-packed merge/Edge of Extinction extravaganza considered, I think it’s safe to say that we need more Survivor! Sixty minutes just isn’t enough for all the scheming, double-dealing and Probst-ian catchphrases! Imagine a supersized season with 90- or (dare we say it) 120-minute episodes, or at the very least, some Ponderosa-style webisodes. With all of the insanity in play, there’s bound to be enough footage to double, or heck, triple the Survivor glory! Water under the well, I suppose.

So, Wendell was kicked to the curb, and to be honest, it was all starting to feel pretty Ex on the Beach anyway. Dude was getting a rough edit, though in his defense, kickin’ it on an island with a former flame must’ve been a tough hand to play. But someone’s about to join him on the Edge. Let’s find out who.

Michele is glad her ex is gone, but she’s not glad about being blindsided by it. She even calls them dingbats… dingbats! Nick is equally peeved. “There’s gonna be bloodshed and I’m gonna like it,” says Nick, who fears his name might come up next. “I feel like it is now my duty to take all of these people out who have crossed me. I’m ready for some revenge,” he says.

Adam thinks Probst is hiding a live immunity idol in his tribal council podium. That’s just crazy enough to be true… or Adam’s about to look like a damn fool! Either way, if he acts on that impulse, it’s going to be a great moment.

THE EDGE | The cast-offs get a clue telling them they need to step back and assess, and that history may repeat itself. They all go hunting, searching in the same spots tokens were found before. Then Danni has a genius thought. Where did the castaways find an advantage on the last Edge season? Parvati and Danni then find the advantage in the same spot Aubry Bracco found it two seasons ago. The advantage allows a player to flip a coin, giving them a 50/50 chance at instant immunity. Talk about a game-changer!

REWARD CHALLENGE | The players all compete for Chinese takeout, diving into the water to collect fish-shaped puzzle pieces. Michele and Sophie take on Nick and Jeremy in the puzzle, but Sophie and Michele win out. They, along with Kim, Sarah and Ben are in for quite a feast, until Sarah gives her reward to Nick for his birthday. “I’d rather see him happy than me miserable because I ate too much,” she says with a smile. She then jokes that she hopes he’ll be miserable.

Adam doesn’t trust it… or her. Based on her Game Changers win, he knows she’s a threat, and thinks her giveaway just makes her that much bigger of a target.

Later, Sarah tells her there was no gameplay in her decision. She did it on a human level. “Just as a world, we can be nicer to each other,” she tells the camera. Tony’s upset she gave up the food and gave in to her emotions. Denise quips, “Goodness of her heart, my ass.” Jeremy also knows from experience. He gave up a reward once and was voted out. Will this innocent spur-of-the-moment decision cost Sarah her game?

Michele finds the 50/50 advantage in her bag, but it’s got a hefty price tag: four fire tokens. Michele defers to her fortune cookies and makes the gutsy move of buying the advantage. As we know, you can’t win Survivor unless you swing for the fences, and this is a big, and expensive, swing.

IMMUNITY IS NOW UP FOR GRABS | It’s a classic endurance challenge where players must balance on a triangular platform with their feet perched on increasingly narrower footholds. And that water is looking chop-py! Michele and Denise are the first to fall out of it. In Round 2, Tyson eats it right before Jeremy plunges into the water. The show then plays its signature season-long song, and I really just wish it’d stop. Week after week, we’ve been getting this over-produced pop track that’s all cheese. (Maybe if it was sung by Survivor superfan Sia, I’d be able to get down with it. In Sia, we stan.) While I gripe about the soundtrack, Kim beats Ben and snatches that W.

STRATEGY SESH’ | Kim and her crew talk about splitting the vote between Adam and Nick, but Ben throws out Michele’s name. Nick tells Tyson that Sophie is saying his name, but Adam wants to write Sarah down instead. A hundred thousand million bajillion percent (or something), he says. Tyson uses the confusion as a chance to keep stirring the pot, planting false info in everyone’s ears. Ben and Adam have an exhausting and annoying conversation (OVER. THEM. BOTH.) and in sum, everyone says everybody else’s names. It’s absolute anarchy and the editing of this clusterf— is brilliant! I could literally watch this mania for hours. It’s a great time to be a Survivor fan, my friends.

THE TRIBE HAS SPOKEN | Sarah tells Jeff about the chaos that endured on the beach, while Jeremy adds that it’s unlike anything he’s seen in the three seasons he’s played. Denise says she aged a few years in one day. No one seems to have any idea what’s about to go down, but Nick worries it’s him. While Jeff questions Adam, the whispering kicks into high gear. Nick and Adam figure out that they were both told to vote each other. Accusations are thrown left and right! Michele whispers to Jeremy! Nick talks to Tony, while Ben and Adam quibble! What is even happening!? Jeff sits back smiling, as four separate conversations happen simultaneously. This is the stuff the Survivor gods dream of! Jeff goes to tally the votes, but Adam stands up and tries to demolish Jeff’s podium. What he thought was an idol was not one, and Adam is then sent to the Edge. He leaves his fire token in Denise’s custody.

Wow. There are barely words to explain what just went down. Who did you think was going to get his or her torch snuffed? Sound off in the Comments below!

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