A survivor’s story: Healing after a suicide loss
September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month
Amanda Souva is a suicide survivor. The 27-year-old lost her fiancé, Mike Branchaeu, to suicide.
On July 12, 2021, after returning from work, Amanda found Mike in the garage at their Maybee home. He had used a handgun. Inside their home was a letter. Beside it was Amanda’s wedding band.
Mike’s message confirmed his love for Amanda before admitting he had been sad and depressed. He had made some financial arrangements and asked that she take care of Bella, their Red Fox Labrador, before promising he would always be with her.
The couple had met more than six years ago through Amanda’s cousin, Jordan. In grade school, Mike and Jordan were best friends and Mike always participated in the demolition derbies at the Monroe County Fair.
“I always thought that was super cute. We started dating May 22, 2016, and we were together a little over five years and engaged three months,” Amanda said. “On the morning of July 12, it was just any ordinary morning. I was getting ready for work and Mike had warmed up some breakfast for me. He was on the midnight shift. He worked at Fermi as a nuclear operator.”
When Amanda arrived at work, she called Mike to let him know she had arrived safely. She called again at lunchtime. She said things seemed fine.
“When I got home, I noticed his truck was in the driveway,” she said. “At first, I was excited because I was going to see him but then I started to worry because I knew he shouldn’t be at home, and I didn’t want him to be late for his job.”
Amanda then noticed the service door to the garage was open. She went to the door and called out for Mike. She could hear the radio. She didn’t see Mike at first and turned to leave but something told her to look inside.
When she opened the door a little wider, she then saw his feet. She ran to see if he had fallen and was injured.
“I thought something may have happened, like maybe he had a heart attack,” she said.
Seeing him lying on the floor with the gun next to his hand, she knew immediately he was gone.
“When I saw him, I thought maybe someone had done this,” she said. “I was scared, and I remember thinking Mike would never do this. There were no warning signs.”
They had just attended a couple of birthday parties, spent time with friends, and had gone to dinner.
When the police unlocked Mike’s phone, there was a picture of Mike, Amanda, and Bella from a camping trip.
It was through some grief counseling sessions at Gabby’s Grief Center in Monroe that Amanda was told it was comfort for Mike.
“That’s what he was looking at when it happened,” she said.
“Mike was never one to show any emotion. He never had anything that bothered him,” she said. “I would have never thought Mike was depressed.”
Like many suicide survivors, Amanda wonders if she missed the warning signs.
Keeping Mike’s memory alive by doing some of the things he loved to do is part of Amanda’s grieving process. She recently participated in the demolition derby at the Monroe County Fair and drove her car for suicide prevention awareness.
“I had the ribbons and the teal and purple colors for suicide prevention,” she said. “I know it would have made Mike super proud and I wanted to do it.”
Amanda knows there are stigmas often associated with suicide, but part of her healing process is to share her story and to let others know there is no one at fault when a loved one commits suicide.
Kaye Lani Rafko Wilson, executive director of Gabby’s Grief Center, is moved by Amanda’s strength and courage to share her story.
“Amanda is a dynamic young woman,” said Wilson. “While on her own journey of grief, being able to look beyond her personal grief and taking the steps to help others and raise awareness of a sensitive topic shows tremendous courage.”
Wilson has invited Amanda to take part in a Suicide Awareness and Remembrance Vigil and Gathering scheduled for World Suicide Prevention Day on Sept. 10.
The event will take place from 4 to 7 p.m. at St. Mary’s Park Pavilion, located at the corner of W. Elm Ave. and Monroe St.
Prior to the candle lighting and butterfly release, Amanda will lead share time at the vigil. She will tell her story and invite others to share theirs as part of the healing process.
The public is welcome. Attendees can bring a photo or mementos of a loved one.
This article originally appeared on The Monroe News: A suicide survivor shares her story of healing after suicide loss.
