How to talk to someone spreading misinformation

Lillie-Beth Brinkman, Callie Athey and Helen Ford Wallace
·3 min read
People aren’t interested in receiving information that goes against their own point of view, and it has been increasingly difficult to talk through even what used to be straightforward topics.
People aren’t interested in receiving information that goes against their own point of view, and it has been increasingly difficult to talk through even what used to be straightforward topics.

QUESTION: An acquaintance of mine relates information that is not true. How can I politely tell her to get her facts straight before telling news of any kind?

CALLIE’S ANSWER: Well, if you know the information is wrong simply correct the information in a kind way. "I think you misunderstood."

LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: There is a lot of that going around these days and no good way to go about correcting false information in an effective and kind way. People aren’t interested in receiving information that goes against their own point of view, and it has been increasingly difficult to talk through even what used to be straightforward topics. In saying that, I also want to make sure that I’m open to receiving information that goes against my own perspective, and I want to make sure that I can back up the information that I share. That’s all I can do — I can only hold myself accountable for my own actions and make sure that what I share or pass on is accurate. (If I am wrong, I am willing to say so later.)

I don’t think you can easily confront your friend, but perhaps you can pivot the subject saying something like, “I’m not sure we’re seeing this topic the same way, and that doesn’t match my understanding of it, so let’s talk about something else.” (Or suggest a different topic on something where you would have an easier time finding common ground.) In a productive conversation, the person would be interested in your take on a subject and you would be interested in theirs so you can learn together and find common ground even in disagreement about what to do with the information, but that has not been my experience recently. I also get frustrated with people labeling legitimate news and data as “fake” while turning to partisan sources for news as if they were unbiased. Sifting through that is another conversation, though.

HELEN’S ANSWER: It is important to be accurate when relaying information and people should check names, times and places before telling things as factual. It is not good enough to repeat something you think you know. When someone says something that I know is incorrect, I gently add the facts as I know them. If, I am not sure, I just let it go.

GUEST’S ANSWER: Patti Leeman, community volunteer: There is no polite way to do that. Your response will depend on your friendship, and the reverse is true. Your friendship may depend on your response.

At whatever level, however, I have found it is never a good idea to pop off, to chastise, or to try to correct anyone whose views differ from mine. Also, I have found that it never does much good to “correct” the speaker. After all, my interpretation of the news of the world has not been run through the "Fact Finder," either.

I wish I had back all the words I have used to try to correct an acquaintance's views that differ from mine. About my only suggestion would be to pleasantly say you should consider the source before passing on information of any kind.

Since 2009, Callie, Lillie-Beth and Helen have written this generational etiquette column. They also include guest responses from a wide range of ages each week. So many years later, Callie is 20-plus; Lillie-Beth is 40-plus and Helen is 60-plus. To ask an etiquette question, email helen.wallace@cox.net.

This article originally appeared on Oklahoman: 20-40-60 etiquette: How to talk to someone spreading misinformation