It's been nearly one month since YouTubers Tana Mongeau and Jake Paul surprised the world and announced their engagement. In the days following, attention surrounding the pair hasn't exactly relented, and as Tana tells Teen Vogue, she feels like her life is essentially chaos right now.
Chaos, be it in the form of an unexpected engagement or an attempted fan convention gone awry, isn't exactly a new element in Tana's day-to-day life. If you've spent any time following the 21-year-old over the last few years, you've likely watched as her star continued to rise, and with that has come increased social media attention on her every move. But although Tana's decisions are frequently scrutinized, and although people have been quick to speculate on the legitimacy of her recent engagement to Jake, the YouTuber isn't really bothered by any of that.
"No matter what you do, people are always going to have something negative to say about it," she explains to Teen Vogue. "You could spend your life constantly trying to seek people's approval and validation, but there is always going to be someone that has something negative to say about what you're doing ... A lot of things that people say behind the computer screen, they're not coming up to you and saying to you in real life. Everyone has a lot more balls through the internet when they're being a keyboard warrior. I take it all with a grain of salt."
Luckily, all that chaotic life fodder makes for good reality television. On July 8, Tana's new show MTV No Filter: Tana Turns 21 premiered on MTV. The series is the natural evolution of her career since she first launched her YouTube channel in April 2015, a channel that now boasts more than 4.5 million subscribers. She's shared much of herself with the world already, but Tana Turns 21 also represents a whole new chapter for her.
"I wanted to give fans an even deeper look into my life and the things that they don't normally see," she says. "It's something that I always felt like I was made for, so everything just kind of lined up perfectly."
Even though she admits to putting "99 percent" of her life on YouTube, Tana hopes that the series might give fans a behind the scenes look at what her life is like when she's not the one controlling the camera. "I remember being like 13-years-old and literally when the Kardashians first aired, being like, 'I am made for that sh*t. Like I am made for reality TV,'" she says. In the first episode of Tana Turns 21, Tana addresses some of what happened with TanaCon and gives fans a peek at her clothing line, and in the second episode, Jake is expected to make his on-camera debut.
Although the idea of sharing every second of your life might not be appealing to everyone, the YouTuber said that she's always been open with friends, family, and even strangers. She said there are moments when it's difficult to live under a microscope that anyone can comment on, but noted that her work is what she loves, and the finished product is worth the occasional struggle.
"I do feel like I am immensely transparent with my fans," she said. "If I'm feeling something or I'm going through something, I'm going to talk about it. Like if I have a break up or if I'm stressed, or whatever I'm feeling, I'm going to come online and talk about it. I just always have that connection with my fans where I want to give them my most like raw authentic self."
Unlike the openness she presents on her YouTube channel, Tana remained tightlipped when asked for specifics regarding what other future episodes of Tana Turns 21 might include. While it's unconfirmed whether an episode will center on her recent engagement, Tana promised that viewers will enjoy what's ahead.
"There's a lot of intense moments that people aren't prepared for at all," she says. "There's a lot of inside looks at mine and Jake's relationship that answers a lot of questions that people may or may not have. I think [Tana Turns 21] it shows a lot of the work-side of the things that I do that, that people don't ever really get to see me do — all of this VidCon drama and craziness. There's some crazy piercings, all kinds of stuff. There's just everything, honestly."
Tana does share much of herself with YouTube, and now on this accompanying television series, but she did divulge that some secret things are in the works, including a possible book. "I spend 99 percent of my time writing," she says. "I love to write and I'm working on writing three books right now." And while she's excited about the possibility of sharing even more of herself in a written form, she's focused on continuing her music, clothing line, and oh yeah, her YouTube channel.
However, she promises that her followers are usually the first to know about everything. "Tana Mongeau surprises people with something they don't know about her?" she jokes. "That's rare."
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Want more from Teen Vogue? Check this out: Tana Mongeau and Jake Paul Are Apparently Engaged
Originally Appeared on Teen Vogue