Here’s How to Tell Someone You Love Them
"Hearst Magazines and Yahoo may earn commission or revenue on some items through these links."
From slow burns to whirlwind romances, there’s no one-size-fits-all for falling in love. But most can agree that, whether it takes weeks, months, or years, you’re overwhelmed with all kinds of emotions once you realize that you’ve fallen hard for someone. It’s time to utter those three big words, and although it takes mere seconds to say them out loud, their existence forever changes the dynamics of your relationship. You and your S.O. are no longer just dating — you’re in love. But how exactly do you tell someone you love them?
Saying “I love you” is an exciting, intimidating, and heart-pounding milestone, all wrapped up into eight seemingly innocuous letters. Be honest and open about how you feel, and sharing this intimate moment with your partner is exhilarating. You might tell someone that you love them in the perfect setting, during a romantic date night with flowers and all the romantic accouterments that movies and TV shows have prepared us for. Or it might be blurted out during a late-night phone conversation. Everyone’s experience is different, but when you know, you know. Below, we help you prepare for the big moment and break down expert advice on how to tell someone you love them.
How do you know that you’re ready to tell someone you love them?
Every relationship is different, and knowing when you’re ready to say “I love you” varies from person to person. “Deciding when to say ‘I love you’ to someone is a personal and complex decision,” Carolyn Rubenstein, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist in Boca Raton, Florida, explains.
This might happen weeks or months after you started dating. It could even take years to tell someone you love them, depending on the context of your relationship. Maybe you started as friends, and somewhere along the line, the friendship developed into something more. But three common signs might indicate that you’re ready to tell someone you love them, Dr. Rubenstein notes.
You feel comfortable in the relationship. “You should feel relaxed and at ease around the person you want to say ‘I love you’ to,” Dr. Rubenstein explains. This means that you can 100 percent be your authentic self, without fear of judgment or rejection. “[You] feel confident that they accept you for who you are,” she notes.
You have a strong emotional connection. The attraction is there, but there’s also a deep emotional bond that goes beyond the physical stuff. “You feel like you can trust them and share your feelings with them,” Dr. Rubenstein says.
You understand them for who they are. This is best achieved through lots of quality time, Dr. Rubenstein says. “Time and various circumstances enable you to see someone in many scenarios and gain an understanding of their character,” she explains.
How do you know you’re in love?
Again, love is subjective and everyone’s journey is different. “I think it’s a knowing feeling, something instinctive,” Roxie Nafousi, self-development coach, manifesting expert, and best-selling author of MANIFEST: 7 Steps to Living Your Best Life, says. “You just know when you have that moment when it’s on the tip of your tongue, you feel like you could blurt it out at any second!”
Being in love is often characterized by “thinking about this person throughout your day, having a strong emotional connection to them, prioritizing them in your life, feeling content and secure around them, and feeling physical and emotional attraction,” Dr. Rubenstein says. You often always want to be around your S.O. when you’re falling in love, Dr. Stephanie Freitag, licensed clinical psychologist, notes.
“It's important to remember that being in love can look different for people and what works for one relationship may not for another,” Dr. Rubenstein adds. “Love is not a one-size-fits-all approach. The essential sentiments are respect, safety, connection, and care.”
When should you tell someone you love them?
This is a personal decision, but if you align with the sentiments listed above, it could be time to tell your person that you love them. There are some questions you might ask yourself first, Dr. Freitag says. “Do I feel comfortable being vulnerable with this person? Do they show me mutual respect and consideration? Is it love or lust? Have I fallen in love for the right reasons?” she asks.
But it’s important that you feel happy, secure, comfortable, and committed to your S.O. “I don’t think there is a ‘too soon’ when it’s the right person — when you know you know,” Nafousi says.
How do you tell someone you love them?
“I love you” is most common, but where or how you say these three words is completely up to you. Dr. Rubenstein suggests a private, comfortable setting where you and your partner both feel relaxed. Sometimes you feel the urge to say “I love you” in the most unexpected moment, and it might be blurted out in a spur-of-the-moment decision. No matter what, it’s most important that you’re honest and open with how you feel.
“The emotion and context matters more than the words themselves,” Dr. Freitag says. If you feel like you have to say “I love you” for the wrong reasons or feel pressured to tell someone you love them, give yourself some time.
But if you’re ready, authentically express your feelings. “Start your sentences with ‘I’ to take ownership of your feelings,” Dr. Rubenstein advises. “For example, ‘I love you’ or ‘I have deep feelings for you.’”
How do you show someone you love them without words?
There are other ways to show someone how much you love and care for them. Take your partner’s love language into account, for example. That might be, yes, words of affirmation, but it could also be acts of service (actions speak louder than words), gifts, quality time, or physical touch.
“At the root of it though, there should be mutual respect, compassion, and care,” Dr. Freitag says.
“Giving each other the freedom to be totally who they want to be and supporting their growth and dreams and holding a safe space for them is the ultimate show of love,” Nafousi adds.
What should you do if you tell someone you love them, but they don’t feel the same way?
Saying “I love you” is a big and exciting milestone, but there’s a possibility that the message won’t be reciprocated. First, recognize your bravery and try to feel empowered by your vulnerability. “Give yourself a major pat on the back for your bravery,” Dr. Freitag says. “It’s really hard to be vulnerable with others, especially when it comes to such a raw emotion.”
But let’s face it — if this happens, it’s upsetting and hurtful. As hard as it might be, it’s crucial to give yourself some space and respect the other person’s boundaries. “The person you love may need time and space to process their feelings,” Dr. Rubenstein says. “Give them time to sort out their emotions.” Don’t pressure them into saying “I love you” back. “Trying to persuade someone to love you can be unhealthy and may damage your relationship,” she adds.
Above all, prioritize yourself and your emotional well-being. “Remind yourself that you are still worthy of love, even if things didn't work out with this person,” Dr. Freitag notes. Spend time with your friends and family, and do the things that you love and that help you feel confident. “Love is still out there for you and you deserve to experience it,” Nafousi says.
You Might Also Like
