The 20 Funniest Tweets From Women This Week
The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious musings of 280 characters or less.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for past roundups.
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People say committees don’t work but that’s bc they haven’t seen a group of women gather to help one person draft & send a risky text
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) November 15, 2019
Is there a murderer in my apartment or is that scary noise just the radiator: a memoir
— Sophie Vershbow (@svershbow) November 11, 2019
Is OK Boomer a new dating site?
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) November 11, 2019
Most of being an adult is whispering "fuck this" while doing it anyway
— Elisabeth🎄 (@YourMomsucksTho) November 14, 2019
Can u imagine getting married and having a family and staying in love until u die, then waiting in the afterlife for your wife to join you and she finally dies and ditches u for a dude she knew for three days on a boat instead?? Anyway I’d give Titanic a 9/10
— Saddington 2 ✈️😔 (@2Saddington) November 12, 2019
No joy to report a first sighting of my nemesis: man wearing shorts in This Weather
— Ella Cerón (@ellaceron) November 13, 2019
“If you love something set it free” -me spending money
— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) November 14, 2019
i am going to buy so many fucking flamingos pic.twitter.com/D6NMqhSOu5
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) November 11, 2019
Maybe you accomplished something this decade. Maybe you didn't. I still haven't crushed a wine glass with one bare hand while staring down a dinner guest, but that's what the 2020s are for.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) November 13, 2019
FYI a woman in Italy told me it's healthy to eat pasta every day as long as you only eat lasagna on the weekends I am seeking no further nutrition opinions at this time
— Tess Barker (@TesstifyBarker) November 14, 2019
I’ve done a lot of deep healing and am happy to announce that I no longer feel obligated to listen to the first 12 minutes of podcasts
— Blair Socci (@blairsocci) November 14, 2019
Disney princesses gave me unrealistic expectations that I'd have adorable animal servants and way more naps.
— Melanie (@ImMelanieGibson) November 13, 2019
This man sitting next to me in the airport lounge is watching a video without headphones. When I get home I am not speaking to anyone for 24 hours.
— roxane gay (@rgay) November 11, 2019
you're telling me that when i email people they are gonna email me back again and then i have to answer THAT email, too? what the fuck
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) November 12, 2019
Always the bridesmaid. Never the Bog Witch emerging from the mist during the harvest festival to receive my annual tribute and wish everyone a happy holidays.
— Julia Gulia 🌈 (@JRobb773) November 13, 2019
i’m going to give my plants some coca cola on christmas and nobody , not one of you losers, can stop me
— beth mccoll (@imteddybless) November 12, 2019
My therapist: talk to me about how you reward yourself for your accomplishments?
Me: reward? *stares blankly* why would I do that? I’m not gonna celebrate for doing what I’m supposed to do
Her, takes off glasses: oh boy— Patrice Caldwell (@whimsicallyours) November 12, 2019
Gen-Xers love Twitter because we’re still consumed by the shame of losing touch with our twelve international penpals whom we met by answering a sketchy ad in the back of a comic book in 1982.
— Tippi Hedren Collider (@linanneblack) November 11, 2019
Chilled to my core by the woman at a 12pm showing of The Irishman who, after hearing Robert DeNiro say “the only way three people can keep a secret is if two of them are dead,” loudly announced “that’s true”
— Haley Mlotek (@haleymlotek) November 13, 2019
Sephora be like “do u wanna redeem your beauty insider points” pic.twitter.com/680NMCoCtp
— AUNTIE MAJIC (@1800BUDDHA) November 9, 2019
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This article originally appeared on HuffPost.