Thin Mints? Bah! Give me Tagalongs, Samoas or Do-si-dos | Sam Venable

According to Girl Scouts of America, Thin Mints are the favorite cookie in their lineup.

Horse puckey!

Thin Mints are the worst. Samoas, Do-si-dos, Tagalongs, Adventurefuls and Lemon-Ups, to name just a few, are far superior.

Thin Mints have no stamina. They’re difficult to reconstruct. They fall apart at the slightest …

Huh? What’s that? How can I be so critical of a chocolatey, minty treat that millions of people devour by the fistful?

Easy — if your analysis is based on taste. When it comes to munching, even your humble typist has high praise for Thin Mints.

But who said anything about chewing and swallowing?

I’m talking about packing and lifting, both of which I’ve been doing, non-stop, for weeks. That’s why I’m a newly won fan of the cardboard cartons that once held a dozen individual boxes of Girl Scout cookies.

Based upon my on-the-job experience, Girl Scout cookie cartons are a mover’s best friend. As long as they’re from Samoas, Do-si-dos, Tagalongs, Adventurefuls, Lemon-Ups and other varieties, that is. Definitely not Thin Mints.

It’s because of the way these cartons rebound once they’ve been broken down, flattened and prepared for recycling. Thin Mint boxes don’t easily snap back together. In fact, they’re a royal pain. Save your temper and your tape.

As mentioned in this space several weeks ago, Th’Missus and I have acquired new digs. Doddering geezers with weak backs, we hired professional movers to handle the big stuff.

But when it comes to books, albums, pictures, foldable clothes and the 10,001 other small items that make up 98 percent of the contents of the average home, Girl Scout cookie cartons have no equal.

Of course, you gotta have a Girl Scout granddaughter who belongs to a troop that sells forty-’leven gazillion boxes of cookies every year, plus troop leaders who save the cartons all those cookies were packed in. Check, check, check.

Miraculously, just before this treasure trove was dispatched to a recycling center, it was made available to us. By the time we got everything loaded, my pickup and Mary Ann’s car looked like they’d driven off the set of “Sanford and Son.” Speaking of which:

Why not use liquor store boxes? Food cartons from the supermarket? Office boxes that once held reams of computer paper?

All are fair to middlin’ substitutes, I suppose. But (a) they don’t have nifty handles like Girl Scout cookie cartons and (b) because of their larger size, they’re easily overfilled, awkward and hard to grasp.

Thus, when a codger bends over and strains to pick them up — “Aaaiii! It’s the big one, Elizabeth!”

Sam Venable’s column appears every Sunday. Contact him at sam.venable@outlook.com.

This article originally appeared on Knoxville News Sentinel: Sam Venable: Thin Mints? Bah! Give me Tagalongs, Samoas or Do-si-dos