Thrive column: Finding balance through setting boundaries
We are officially off and running in a new year; welcome to 2022! You may have made some New Year’s resolutions to eat better, exercise more, take more time for mental healthcare, etc. Some may have already given up on those resolutions after just a week. We all know how hard it is to make major changes.
Kristen Martin, Executive Director of mental health nonprofit, Thrive, sent me this quote to contemplate for New Year’s, “Balance is not better time management, but better boundary management. Balance means making choices and enjoying those choices.” – Betsy Jacobson. I thought this may be helpful for you to consider this month. Maybe what we all need are boundaries to make positive changes that last.
What sort of boundaries do you have? Do you set strict boundaries between your work and home lives? I don’t know about you, but I have found that hard to do since the pandemic. For those of us who work at home, separating work from personal can seem impossible. It is so tempting to work around the clock when you never actually leave the workspace. I find this especially difficult because I like my job. I actually want to work most days, so it’s easy to slip into that pattern of working too much. How do you set a boundary between work and home when you work at home? If you are lucky enough to have a separate room as your office, it would be a good start to turn off the computer, leave that room, and close the door at the end of the workday. This helps you set a literal boundary around that workspace.
If you are like me, and your office is the dining room table, you have to try a little harder to define the boundary. I try to close everything up and put it all away when my day is finished. Laptop goes into the case and off the table, all papers are filed and tucked away until tomorrow, work phone goes on its charger, and I can walk away and move on with the day.
Some people have trouble setting boundaries with work because they are expected to be available for phone calls or emails around the clock. Not everyone has a job where they can be “off” when they are out of the office, but it’s important to at least consider boundaries sometimes. Maybe co-workers could take turns being on call for emergencies so that the responsibility does not always fall on one person, or maybe you have a conversation with your boss about whether it’s really necessary for problems to be addressed immediately rather than waiting until tomorrow. Sometimes things can wait – but you might need to have a hard conversation about it before the boundaries can be defined and respected.
What about boundaries with family? This can be tricky, because you want to spend time with family, but you need time for yourself, too. Parents with young children often struggle with this, as well as adults caring for parents. It can be difficult to find time to take care of yourself. To make it happen, you have to be intentional about setting boundaries. Children can have a strict bedtime so that parents can have some time for self-care. For example, my children have a time they must be in their room in the evening. They don’t have to go to sleep at that time if they are not tired, but they have to go to their room without any electronics and stay put. This gives me some time to recharge. Some parents prefer to get up earlier than children to have this time in the morning. It doesn’t matter where you take the time, what is important is that you set that boundary and you protect it.
Kristen Martin says that setting boundaries is something staff work on with members at the Thrive Clubhouse. The Clubhouse is a program in Hendersonville for adults with severe and persistent mental illness. When members come to the Clubhouse, they work with staff to improve skills in many areas of life, but Martin says boundary-setting is one of the most important skills for members to practice. “When you have a mental health diagnosis, it’s very important to set boundaries to keep yourself well. You know what works for you and what doesn’t, so you need to focus on that. Other people may not know or understand your needs, so it’s important to advocate for yourself.”
You may need to set boundaries in many areas of your life – work, home, family, or friends. Just remember that it is okay to do so. There is nothing wrong with saying no to some things; in fact, boundaries can help you to be healthier and happier. Strong boundaries can prevent you from overcommitting yourself and can help you to focus more on the things and people you truly care about. No matter what your resolutions are for 2022, I think we can all agree that a boundary or two could improve your mental health and wellbeing, which is really what it’s all about.
If you would like more information about the Thrive Clubhouse program, please visit the website at www.thrive4health.org or call the office at 828-697-1581.
This article originally appeared on Hendersonville Times-News: Thrive column: Finding balance through setting boundaries
