TikTok’s viral ’12 questions’ quiz is missing one crucial element, therapist says

TikTok is abuzz about a relationship test known as the “12 questions” quiz. To take part, each partner asks and answers a series of 12 written questions via text message.

The questions are simple, but the answers can range from sweet to funny to surprising.

Users have been screenshotting their partner’s responses and sharing them online. As a result, the hashtag #12Questions currently has more than 47.3 million views.

The quiz itself includes prompts like, “If someone asks you what I am to you, what do you say?” and “What would you be doing right now if we never met?”

Some questions get nostalgic, while others look toward the future. Here’s a list of the 12 viral questions:

  1. If someone asks you what I am to you, what do you say?

  2. What are the three things you love about me?

  3. What makes me different from others you have dated/ talked to in the past?

  4. What do you dislike about me?

  5. What is your favorite thing about me?

  6. What was your first impression of me?

  7. What are three things I say a lot?

  8. What is one thing you hope for our future?

  9. If we were together right now, what would we be doing?

  10. What would you be doing right now if we never met?

  11. How was your life before we got together?

  12. Will I forever hold a special place in your heart?

In one TikTok, user Logan Barlowe (@loganbarlowe) decided to test out the new trend on a guy she’s been talking to but not officially dating yet. Their sweet back-and-forth wound up making people swoon.

“I love everything about you,” her not-yet-boyfriend told her in response to one question.

“stop, you’re gonna make me fall in love with you,” Barlowe wrote back. “That is the plan,” he replied.

Commenters clamored for Barlowe and her mystery man to start dating. The TikToker shared an update, saying they are now officially together.

People have been weighing in on other sweet responses, too — as well as some they’ve called “red flags.”

In a TikTok by a couple known as Prysilla and David (@prysilla_david), people found David’s curt replies to be telling.

“He’s the definition of bare minimum,” wrote a user named @saratch_.

This definitely isn’t the only time a relationship quiz like this has taken off.

Back in 2015, the New York Times shared a Modern Love column titled, “36 questions to ask to fall in love with anyone.” The essay references questions that were based on a study by the psychologist Dr. Arthur Aaron, who theorized that “mutual vulnerability fosters closeness.”

That 36-question quiz challenged people to share everything from their worst memory to whether or not they would like to be famous. In the end, “36 questions” led couples everywhere to sit down and share things they may have otherwise kept to themselves.

According to Dr. Marni Feuerman, an author and licensed psychotherapist based in South Florida, face-to-face conversation is something the 12 questions quiz definitely lacks.

“In general, I’m all for asking deeper and more personal questions to build connection and intimacy in a relationship,” Feuerman told In The Know.

However, sending them when you’re not together might not be the best course of action, she says.

“Asking them via text is definitely lower on the scale of emotional risk-taking,” Feuerman noted. “I would encourage people to push themselves a bit more and ask them face-to-face. Also, make it a conversation where you both answer the questions and perhaps even elaborate more on them.”

At the end of the day, it’s all about the connection this forges.

“The emphasis should be the process of sharing with each other on both a deeper level and on an ongoing basis rather than a onetime quiz,” the doctor said.

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