Tim Draper to Submit His Silicon Valley Secessionist Fanfic to State of California

Mr. Draper (Photo: Getty)
Mr. Draper (Photo: Getty)

Mr. Draper (Photo: Getty)

Silicon Valley is a region of California that functions as a pure, unadulterated meritocracy, with only the very best and most deserving people rising to the top.

It makes sense, then, that venture capitalist Tim Draper would suggest to the state government that his beloved Valley secede from the state, as TechCrunch reports today.

He's also gone to the trouble of carving the rest of California into five separate states, equating a grand total of six, lest the state government think he only cares about his own region. He shared it with TechCrunch last night, telling them he'll submit his plan to the state within the next 48 hours.

He's already got a campaign website up and running, where he's seeking volunteers to "Participate in the future of California!" a.k.a., its destruction. Here's his proposed map:

Screen shot 2013-12-20 at 1.25.49 PM
Screen shot 2013-12-20 at 1.25.49 PM

And here are the five key reasons for the initiative, which he shared with TechCrunch in an email:

“1. It is about time California was properly represented with Senators in Washington. Now our number of Senators per person will be about average.
2. Competition is good, monopolies are bad. This initiative encourages more competition and less monopolistic power. Like all competitive systems, costs will be lower and service will be better.
3. Each new state can start fresh. From a new crowd sourced state flower to a more relevant constitution.
4. Decisions can be more relevant to the population. The regulations in one new state are not appropriate for another.
5. Individuals can move between states more freely.”

Yes, problems plaguing California don't come from income inequality, overcrowded jails, or relative scarcity of drinking water. Instead, they're all caused by its outdated, gauche state flower, the California poppy. *shudder*

Clearly, this is a thinly veiled attempt at giving Silicon Valley the autonomy to test drones and develop revolutionary new photo apps unfettered by Sacramento, because rich tech workers are so oppressed these days.

Mr. Draper's proposal, the Daily Intelligencer points out, would need approval from California voters and the federal government to be put into action. Good luck with that. Daily Intel also calls it "a passive-aggressive swipe at the less economically productive regions of California, cloaked in a measure that purports to be good for all citizens of the state."

Pretty valid. Also, Mr. Draper, we noticed that you lumped wine country in with Silicon Valley. Smooth move.

(h/t Daily Intel)