My Take: 'Tis the season ... to not always feel merry
We are here once again in that "wonderful time of the year" as the song lyrics go. This time of year, when we gather with and think of friends and loved ones we also do take notice of who is missing from our lives. And the reality of that loss is painful.
Grief is important to acknowledge when it presents itself. It can slam into us out of nowhere and knock us over producing great sobs. It can gently nudge us with a reminder that brings a tear to our eye or into our heart. It presents itself to us in a multitude of ways. It does take some amount of work or effort or practice to witness our grief, allow it to be, and feel the emotions. It doesn’t work to try to push it all way. Perhaps for a bit it will quiet down. But it won’t just simply go away and it only will be worse for us if we try to hide or mask it.
It’s normal to be touched by our grief during this what is supposed to be a joyful, wondrous time of the year. If you consider it, grief is a way we pay tribute to our relationship with those who are no longer by our side. If we didn’t care, we wouldn’t feel the loss. And this can be loss of a family member, friend and a beloved furry friend, too. We experience grief as well when we or someone we care about moves, we experience a divorce or job loss, an important friendship ends.
We are all unique in how we experience emotions and that includes grief. We each grieve in our own way and in our own time. There is no one way or a right or wrong way to grieve any loss. Grief is a process of letting go, accepting and learning to live with the loss. This process takes time. It’s important to have compassion with ourselves as we do grief work for it is indeed work when we are grieving. Not only does it take time but also energy and it can be rather exhausting work too — both physically and mentally. So, we need to allow space in our life to do grief work.
It is important to have some coping tools to practice with when we are grieving. Some of us find comfort in journaling letters to our loved ones or simply writing down and validating what we are feeling and experiencing. Finding others to confide in such as a grief support group or trusted friend can help us feel supported. It helps to learn that others experience grief, too. We are not so alone. Attending therapy can be a way to help ourselves work through our grief, learn and practice additional coping tools, and be heard and supported, too.
It is especially important to seek therapy if our grief is unresolved meaning we are unable to function normally or have intense suicidal thoughts or feelings of hopelessness. You can call 988 to talk to a trained helper, discuss this with your family doctor, but do call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room if you are experiencing a life-threatening emergency!
“Tis the season to be jolly” brings a mixture of challenges to our lives and awareness of our losses is definitely one of the challenges we contend with during this season! It just is. At times this season can leave us very far removed from feeling jolly.
This holiday season, do know that if and when grief shows up on the door step of your heart it’s OK to open that door and allow yourself the time and space you need to experience it. You will not be the only one doing so. Remember it’s ok to ask for help when you need it from a trusted friend, your doctor or professional counselor. Make a commitment to yourself to do all it takes to take good care of you this holiday season. You deserve to give yourself this gift! And no one but you can give it to you!
— Jude Vereyken is a resident of Park Township.
This article originally appeared on The Holland Sentinel: My Take: 'Tis the season ... to not always feel merry
