Too Hot to Handle Cast Members Offer Dating Advice for Our Socially-Distanced Times
It’s a Monday afternoon in mid-April, and Bryce Hirschberg—one of the contestants from Netflix’s new reality “dating” show, Too Hot to Handle—is calling from his now-infamous boat (you know, the one he tells fellow contestants is his place of residence).
Bryce has been socially distancing for weeks, as has been asked of all Americans who aren’t working jobs deemed essential by the U.S. government. While his Netflix series has been picking up steam online—a worthy successor to similar raunchy delights The Circle and Love Is Blind—the 29-year-old has been passing the time writing music and playing the piano. “I’m looking out at the ocean right now,” he says. “My brother is here too. It’s lovely but lonely.”
Bryce, like two other Too Hot to Handle contestants interviewed for this story, Chloe Veitch and Matthew Smith (affectionately referred to as Jesus onscreen), were not allowed to kiss—or have any sexual contact, for that matter—as part of the reality series. Suffice it to say, there are some… obvious parallels between Too Hot to Handle and real-life “dating” at the moment.
And for that reason, over the phone, Bryce, Chloe, and Matthew recently volunteered to impart their advice for a PSA of sorts: how to successfully date—or, perhaps, how to remain happily single—whilst self-isolating.
On the Pros and Cons of Virtual Dating
Matthew: I’ve had women ask if I wanted to FaceTime, and I’ve turned away from it. I feel like there’s a point in video calls where it’s awkward to continue looking at each other. It’s weird when someone is walking around with their phone in their hand and you’re just seeing up their nostrils.
Chloe: I’ve never technically done a proper virtual first date, but every single time a fit guy [Chloe is from Essex, England, and fit means “hot”] follows me on Instagram, I always try to speak to them on the phone first and FaceTime them at least twice so I know they aren’t a catfish.
Bryce: I’ve never done a virtual first date. I’ve had long-distance relationships and communicated on FaceTime, which is nice but limiting. I guess in these awful times, pretty much everyone is in a long-distance relationship—or at least they ought to be.
Chloe: To be honest, on a virtual date, I want to know their favorite flavor crisps. They can give me the most boring flavor, but if they make it sound exciting—and if they’re enthusiastic and passionate about those crisps—then that’s a winner, really. I just want to see if they have banter.
Bryce: A possible game you could play virtually is 21 Questions. [Ed note: I think Bryce means 20 Questions, but as a fan of the 50 Cent song myself, I respect the modification.] I like to see how their mind works.
Matthew: If I really like someone, I’d almost be more turned off by the idea of having the first meeting over Zoom. You’re taking a risk of ruining something that could actually be awesome by trying to force it because you’re bored at home. But I do see the allure right now. I just think you can stay in touch with phone calls and texts. Because you’re forced to social distance, it leaves a lot of open space for teasing or building up the anticipation to be able to be with each other again. You can really play with the distance thing as a kink or turn-on.
On Dating App Dos and Don’ts
Bryce: If I saw the most beautiful girl in the world on a dating app, I’d try to see if we had anything in common at all. If you don’t make that effort, then they’re going to get bored. There are so many darn fish in the sea, and you have to stand out right away. Everyone appreciates a guy or girl putting themselves out there, not just saying, “Hey, how’s quarantine treating you?”
For men, definitely have a picture or two with some friends so girls will know you aren’t a psychopath. Avoid the shirtless mirror selfie. I think that’s been out for a long time. I wouldn’t have pictures with a bunch of girls, either. I don’t think girls like that very much.
Chloe: Do not take pictures with you and 10 other girls around you to make us think you get girls, because it doesn’t work and is a turn-off. In general, I don’t really like to chat online. I get DM’d left, right, and center, and some of them give me a good laugh, but all you’re guaranteeing is you’ll be in my girls’ group chat. I will not be responding to those.
And ladies, don’t put all your eggs into one basket. You can talk to as many guys as you like as long as you’re not leading them on. And be careful because in quarantine, guys will be bold. Do not fall for it.
Matthew: The only app I’ve used is Raya. If you’re on an app, I would recommend staying away from something too serious. On my dating app profile, it says, Career: Alien abduction applicant. In my bio it says I really just want to make friends with an alien. I’ve gotten a lot of really good feedback from that. Photo-wise, you’ve got to stay away from the serious stuff. Be light-hearted. Do you have a wood shop in your garage? Do you have a collection of Legos? Those draw attention to who you are and are great conversation starters. They represent vulnerability and genuineness.
I’m not a huge fan of dating apps because it’s really easy to misrepresent yourself to someone who isn’t in your space. Energy is a really powerful way of communicating—it’s a subconscious conversation. You may not love what someone is verbally saying, but the energy of what they’re putting off makes what they’re saying make sense. You interpret it in a whole different way if it’s purely through a mobile device.
On Resisting Earthly Temptations
Bryce: On the show, I started focusing on the opportunity for self-growth. I’ll never be able to avoid women entirely—that just isn’t in my nature. But I definitely spent more time with the guys, and there was a part of my body, a part of my brain, that shut off any desire. It ended up working and made me really focus on discovering the women, rather than letting my mind wander.
Matthew: I am a professional poor-choice maker. Because of that, I’ve learned to counteract my impulses. It was by no means easy for me, especially because the show required zero sexual release. There was no masturbation, nothing. The testosterone kept building and building. If you found a girl attractive at the beginning, by the middle of it, they started looking even better than they did when you first met them. But I made my mind up from the get-go that I wasn’t going? to fail at this. I didn’t know if I was going to win or walk away with a romantic relationship, but I could control how I felt about myself when I left.
On Moving In With a New Boo While Quarantining
Bryce: Personally, I wouldn’t move in with someone until I was about to be engaged, or engaged. You’ve got to know for a fact that not only you think she’s the one, but she thinks you are the one. In quarantine, I feel like you want to have your own place. I wish the best of luck to those who are trying it.
Matthew: I always stray away from trying to build something lasting in a circumstance that isn’t genuine. I definitely see the allure of living with someone you’re dating right now—I’ve thought about it. But it’s a massive gamble. You have to make sure you’re on the same emotional level about it. I’ve got some friends doing that right now, and on their IG stories, they seem super in love. It feels a little fabricated, because the circumstances are forcing it, but I’m also not going to judge. Who really knows?
Chloe: You’re going to be cooking together, cleaning together, using the same toilet. That’s quite difficult, really. Just have fun! You literally just met. Be creative and romantic and use this time to find out whether this is your soulmate. The best feeling in the world is knowing when someone is into you. It’s like when you’re having sex: If you really like that person, the sex is going to be passionate and sparks will be flying in the bedroom. But when you hook up with someone, it’s just two wet fishes flopping about.
Do you see yourself marrying this guy in 10 years? Be a detective! Investigate! It’s like an interview. You’re locked in the house with him, so he can’t escape when you ask him the hard, deep, emotional questions.
Interviews have been edited and condensed for clarity.
This year's easiest binge watch features a group of horny singles who flee to a tropical island—only to be informed of a maddening twist.
Originally Appeared on GQ
