From tragedy, Waynesboro man finds his voice to help those struggling with their mental health
WAYNESBORO — Over the span of his 45 years, Ronald North has known maybe 15 people who have died by suicide. To him, it was not something out of the ordinary.
That changed three years ago. The Waynesboro man's partner died by suicide, sending North into a tailspin. He had already struggled with depression for most of his life. Now he was going through complicated grief, defined by the Mayo Clinic as feelings of loss that are debilitating and don't improve over time.
North has been able to find help in the form of his work with the Virginia chapter of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. He is currently a board member and the chapter's LGBTQ ambassador. The foundation not only connected him to a community of people who understand him, but helped North accept himself.
That hasn't always been easy.
North has known he was gay from a young age. He described his dad as homophobic, saying he would tell North, using very vulgar terms, that he couldn't wait until his son had sex so he knew he wasn't gay. North was 13 at the time, not even out to his family. Those comments still stick with North.
He came out to his mom around that time and she told him it was probably a phase. Soon after, his mom developed epilepsy and suffered a seizure, and North thought he had caused her health problems by telling her he was gay. He said the guilt was terrible, so he told his mom she was right, it had just been a phase.
Midway through his senior year in high school, North tried suicide. He had plans to attend college to study athletic training, even had a scholarship offer, but fell behind in his studies because of the suicide attempt and resulting hospitalization. He didn't graduate until summer school and lost the scholarship.
In 1997, his senior year in high school, North came out again, this time not just to his mom, but publicly. For the most part, he said, his classmates accepted him.
Life didn't get easier though. North attempted suicide twice more. When he and his partner found one another, they often talked about the need to remove the stigma from talking about mental health struggles, especially in the LGBTQ community.
North was with his partner, who he didn't wish to identify, nearly seven years. His partner opened up about his mental health struggles, saying he suffered from depression. North opened up about his issues, which included addiction, as well. It helped.
According to the National Alliance of Mental Illness (NAMI), LGB adults are more than twice as likely as heterosexual adults to experience a mental health condition. Transgender individuals are nearly four times as likely as cisgender individuals individuals to experience a mental health condition, the organization said, citing studies.
Risk factors among those in the LGBTQ community, according to NAMI, include rejection when coming out, trauma from homophobia and bullying, substance abuse, homelessness and inadequate mental health care.
North was never sure what his role in life was until his partner's death. As he worked through his grief and got involved with the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, he believes he found that purpose.
May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Even with the month coming to an end, North said it's important to bring awareness to the topic, one he said is still seen as taboo by many.
"We just need to have that conversation," North said. "It's OK that people struggle. Mental health is just as important as physical health. People need to know that it's OK to struggle and it's OK to reach out for help and that they're not going to be judged."
In the time he's been an advocate, North has had people that he's known for years, that he didn't realize were struggling, reach out and ask to talk, ask for help.
"That's amazing," he said. "I'm glad that I could be there."
Overall, 48,183 Americans died by suicide in 2021, the 11th leading cause of death, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. There were an estimated 1.7 million suicide attempts that year.
North is honest with those he talks with people, asking if they are considering suicide instead of beating around the bush. Sharing his story with others also helps make a connection. When he's at work — North works at a gas station in Waynesboro — he will often wear an American Foundation for Suicide Prevention hoodie, hoping that anyone who is struggling sees it and reaches out to him.
In is role as LGBTQ ambassador North travels throughout the state, attending Pride events among other things, to help reach those who might need the organization.
He still misses his partner. His death changed North in many ways, including spurring him to action with his volunteer work. It also helped North see that many of the problems he faces aren't nearly as big as he used to make them out to be. Nothing, he said, could be as bad as losing his partner to suicide.
"I realized that I could let his death do one of two things," North said. "I could either go down that rabbit hole and never come out or I could fight and be a voice and do what I'm doing."
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— Patrick Hite is a reporter at The News Leader. Story ideas and tips always welcome. Contact Patrick (he/him/his) at phite@newsleader.com and follow him on Twitter @Patrick_Hite. Subscribe to us at newsleader.com.
This article originally appeared on Staunton News Leader: From tragedy, Waynesboro man finds his voice to help those struggling with their mental health
