Travel story about Paris turned into tirade. Here’s how to stop rants in their tracks
A neighbor recently stopped by to tell us about his trip to Paris.
What began as a pleasant recounting of his adventures quickly turned into a lengthy tirade about the lack of service he’d received in a streetside café.
His agitated manner was intrusive and off-putting. We couldn’t wait for him to end the conversation so we could escort him to the door.
This man was engaged in ranting, a one-sided, angry and vehement declaration in an inappropriate setting.
Ranting’s sole purpose is to vent anger, differentiating itself from such similar behaviors as pontificating (speaking in a pompous manner) or lecturing (scolding or explaining in a long and tedious way).
Ranters tend to have their favorite topics, the most common being politics, politicians or public policies.
Multiple pet peeves can set them off.
In fact, those inclined toward ranting can do so over nearly any subject.
Ranters usually rage about topics over which they have no control — i.e. the appearance of a new roundabout.
They seldom transmit their vitriol into action. Few run for public office, initiate letter-writing campaigns or donate to a cause.
Instead, they complain to whomever will listen, seeming to equate frequency and decibels with civic action.
What these irritable chatterboxes fail to realize is that their blustering puts everyone near them on edge.
It contaminates an entire airspace the way germs from an uncovered sneeze expose innocent bystanders to a virus.
Many a social gathering has been ruined by ranters’ senseless, aggressive ramblings.
Even if we agree with their opinions, the style and delivery are so distasteful that we feel embarrassed or repulsed.
Unfortunately, listeners are often reluctant to snap ranters out of their reveries. Good manners tell them to be patient and wait until it’s their turn to speak.
Yet ranters adhere to different social values and think nothing of overextending their stay at the social podium.
As one topic draws to a close, there’s another cued up and ready to spew.
Meanwhile, non-ranters cower on the sidelines, hoping the diatribe will soon end.
Of course, we all have our own opinions. And it’s fun to share and discuss them when the setting and company are right.
The key is to read the room for clues about what to share and when to share it.
Ranters may never get the non-ranting memo, but there are steps we can take to manage their behavior. Here’s how:
Don’t engage with ranters. Debating them is frustrating and futile. Instead, refuse to take up the discussion so you neutralize the issue and leave them with nothing to say.
Change the subject. Look for something new and positive to discuss: “How is your granddaughter doing? I hear she’s quite the volleyball player!” Ranters may be flattered, caught off guard and forced to momentarily shift gears.
Publicly call out the behavior. Have the courage to speak up. A firm but non-threatening statement such as, “This is such a lovely event. I don’t want to ruin it by talking about unpleasant issues. How about we find another topic,” may stop ranters in their tracks and give others a much-needed reprieve.
Leave the room. Excuse yourself if necessary to refill your glass or step outside. While this may seem rude or extreme, it may be the only way to break the ranting cycle.
Linda Lewis Griffith is a retired marriage, family and child therapist who lives in San Luis Obispo, California. Reach her at lindalewisgriffith@sbcglobal.net .
