After raising $6.1M in the first 24 hours after declaring his White House bid – “almost enough to bribe your kids into USC” – O’Rourke now looks like a serious candidate, Noah said.
But that candidacy was almost immediately derailed by revelations of things O’Rourke has said and done in the past. He used to be a member of a computer hacking group and, as a teen, wrote online essays fantasizing about killing children by running them over with his vehicle.
Being a hacker does not hurt his credibility with some voters, Noah speculated. Going after him for writing the short stories is “ridiculous,” the late night host added.
“He wrote fiction,” Noah said, noting George R.R. Martin “killed” thousands but maybe is a monster because he refuses “to finish those books.”
“What the hell, George!” Noah shouted. “You and Robert Mueller having a contest? Someone release something, goddamn it!”
O’Rourke spent the weekend apologizing for about 50 things, Noah marveled.
He apologized for saying his wife is raising their three kids and he helps sometimes, promising at a campaign-trail gathering “not only will I not say that again, but I will be much more thoughtful in the way I talk about our marriage.”
He also apologized for saying, about the presidential race, that he was “born for this.”
“I’m sorry people, but this is out of control,” Noah chided. “People literally want Beto to apologize because he said about the presidential race ‘I was born for this’?”
Critics, Noah complained, “were like ‘That’s white privilege! Are you saying the presidency is your birthright?'”
“No. ‘Born for this’ is a figure of speech we all use to indicate we’re ready for something,” Noah schooled. “I wasn’t actually born for the all-you-can-eat buffet. It’s just something I say.”
“This shit is getting ridiculous,” Noah insisted. “This is not wokeness; this is insanity.”