Trevor Noah: Trump 'seems to think of chaos as an essential service'

Trevor Noah

The ground has shifted under Americans’ feet so many times in the past two months, but Trevor Noah found the one thing that’s remained “surprisingly constant” through this whole mess on Thursday’s Daily Social Distancing Show. That would be the chaos within the White House, because “while most administrations would be galvanized by an external threat, this White House seems to think of chaos as an essential service that they need to keep providing.”

And this week, some of this chaos exploded into the open. First, Dr Rick Bright, the scientist in charge of the White House’s efforts to make a coronavirus vaccine, was fired with no explanation. He says it was because he opposed Trump’s push of the drug hydroxychloroquine as a cure (readers, it is not proven and could be dangerous); the White House says it’s because he acted too slowly. “This is insane,” Noah said. “We’re in the middle of a pandemic, and Trump’s people are squabbling like they’re on an Andy Cohen reunion show.”

Even worse, when asked by reporters about his firing, Trump said: “I’ve never heard of him.” “I don’t understand how Trump has ‘never heard’ of the person in charge of finding a vaccine to the disease that has shut down the entire world,” said Noah. “And don’t tell me it’s because he’s too busy – this is the same man who says he’s been watching every nightly news show, plus CNN, MSNBC in the morning, Fox News on weekend afternoons and even reruns of baseball. And let me tell you, if you have time to watch reruns of baseball, you have time for anything.”

Related: Andrew Cuomo talks to Trevor Noah: 'The president doesn't like me'

And even more chaos: after Dr Robert Redfield, director of the CDC, warned the Washington Post that next winter could see an even worse second wave of coronavirus combined with flu season, Trump panicked, called the claim “misquoted” and brought Redfield on stage to clarify. Redfield’s “correction”: “I didn’t say that this was going to be worse…I said it was going to be more difficult and potentially complicated.”

“Ah, OK, so … it’s not going to get worse, it’s just going to be more difficult and complicated,” said a skeptical Noah. “If only there was one word that could summarize that general feeling …”

Stephen Colbert

On The Late Show, Stephen Colbert also laughed at Redfield’s tightrope walk of a clarification. “How can something that’s more difficult not be worse?” he asked. “I didn’t say nine was bigger than seven, I just said it was more number. Additional many.’”

“But don’t think the president doesn’t value expertise,” he continued, pointing to news that the secretary of health and human services, Alex Azar, tapped a former dog breeder to lead the government’s day-to-day response to the coronavirus. “Sure, but why not just cut out the middleman and appoint a dog?” said Colbert, offering up his adorable spaniel Benny for the position.

“The dog breeder in charge of keeping you alive” is named Brian Harrison, who until 2018 ran a company called Dallas Labradoodles. “Well, now we know who cross-bred Trump’s hair,” Colbert quipped.

In other news,the Senate majority leader, Mitch McConnell, said on Wednesday that instead of getting money from the federal government, individual states should consider bankruptcy. “Really? They’re American states not Trump casinos!” said Colbert. “And, unsurprisingly, McConnell’s screw-the-states plan isn’t very popular with the states. Not even among conservatives.” For example, Representative Peter King, a New York Republican, tweeted that the plan, which would cut funding for firefighters and healthcare workers, “makes McConnell the Marie Antoinette of the Senate”.

“That’s a powerful image … I wonder what that would look like,” said Colbert as a mock-up flashed on screen, before quickly reversing course. “I have seen too much. I must wipe away my eyes.”

Jimmy Kimmel

“President Trump is on quite a roll contradicting his infectious disease experts almost every day on his daily televised temper tantrum,” said Jimmy Kimmel from his home in Los Angeles. For example, on Wednesday Trump said coronavirus wasn’t coming back in the fall; Dr Anthony Fauci said immediately after that it will definitely be here in the fall.

“Here’s the thing, folks: our president is a contra-dictat,” Kimmel said. “These poor doctors working for Trump – if they don’t give us the truth, they’re not doing their jobs, but if they do, there’s a good chance he’ll fire them. So the only option is to play dumb and hope Trump gets distracted by a Filet-o-Fish or something.”

Kimmel also addressed the firing of Dr Bright: “I’m not sure what’s more depressing, that our president demoted a doctor who’s trying to prevent Americans from trying an ineffective drug that could kill us, or that we’re not even remotely surprised that he did.”