A tribute to my friend’s son: ‘You only live one life. Why not live it to the fullest?’

Carson Philbin died in the ocean near a popular cliff-jumping spot in Hawaii on Jan. 13, the day after his 24th birthday.

My colleague Julia Coin spoke with friends of Carson’s for a story published by The Charlotte Observer on Friday, but I have something a little different to offer. I’ve known Carson’s father, Jason, for many years because we run (quite literally) in the same circles — we both belong to a group in Charlotte that trains together for running races and triathlons.

When I heard about Carson’s passing, I offered to write something for the program that was handed out at the memorial, which took place at Mercy Church on Providence Road on Saturday afternoon.

Here is exactly what I assembled, after talking to Jason and Nicole Philbin about their late son.

I hope it inspires you in some way, maybe to do something you’ve always wanted to do before it’s too late ... or perhaps even just to hug your kids a little tighter the next time you see them.

Carson Philbin: 1/12/2000-1/13/2024

This past November, on a sunny but cold day in Charlotte, Carson Philbin streaked through his first marathon in just under 2 hours and 49 minutes — faster than all but two other young men in his age group. He’d exceeded his own high expectations. For the rest of the day, a smile rarely left his face.

But there’s another story about Carson, also involving running, that ended with him in tears. And it exemplifies his spirit just as well.

Back when he was a star middle-distance runner at Ardrey Kell High School, he had the misfortune of falling ill right before the state qualifying meet where he was the top seed. (He’d soon after learn he had mono.) Still, he decided to go for it in the 800, and through the first lap was flying. Then hit the wall. Hard. With a couple hundred meters left, it seemed like he might actually collapse.

His dad, Jason, could see the agony on his face, rushed over, and trotted along the grass next to him as Carson gutted it out down the stretch. He finished the heat in last place before crumpling onto the infield, devastated.

At that point, the track coach told Carson he was pulling him from his last individual event, in the interest of not pushing a sick kid. Carson protested. “I have to run. Even if I walk all the way through this event, I have to do it. I’m always gonna hate it if I don’t finish this.” His coach caved. Carson ran, and he finished last, again. The crowd went wild in rewarding him for his effort.

This is one of myriad ways in which Carson proved himself to be a model of tenacity, grit and purposefulness — and someone you absolutely, positively wanted to cheer for — over the course of the 24 years and 1 day that he inhabited this Earth.

It wasn’t always pretty. As a young teen, for instance, he wanted to replicate a cool photo he’d seen online by lighting steel wool on fire, spinning it on a wire, and hoping for an eye-popping display of sparks; and with multiple GoPro cameras rolling … he proceeded to very nearly burn his family’s house to the ground.

There was also the time, a few years later, when he and some friends sneaked into an under-construction building downtown to take some pictures at the top and got caught, resulting in Jason and Nicole being ordered to attend parenting classes. (For the record, Mom and Dad are able to look back on these stories now and laugh.)

Carson also used that same determination to guide him along his promising and thrilling career path.

At Savannah College of Art and Design, he studied social strategy and management with an eye toward landing his dream job in social media, and it worked: In 2021, Carson did a video production internship with a track-focused social media brand, for which he was part of a team that chased elite runners around the country via RV — and wound up getting to watch the U.S. Olympic Track and Field Trials at storied Hayward Field in Eugene, Oregon.

Then last March, he got hired to executive-produce content for a startup YouTuber (who’d reached more than 30 million views in just three months since launching), and that job would send him on an around-the-world summer trip featuring stops in Morocco, the Netherlands, Japan and other exotic locales.

But perhaps above all else, Carson was intentional about making those who came into his orbit feel special.

In middle school, for instance, when he would dress in a T-shirt for an informal club he belonged to on the same day as a girl he knew from outside of school was wearing hers, even though she wasn’t in the “cool” group, just to give her social status a little boost.

Or over the Christmas holiday, when he spent time doting on his 7-year-old second cousin Griffin at a family reunion, knowing Griffin regarded him as a celebrity because of his YouTube-star boss.

Carson’s warmth even spread to people he’d never met before, like online “Fortnite” pal Jay, who was inconsolable after hearing of his passing — it turns out he considered Carson his best friend.

To the end, in fact, Carson’s life was filled with the two things he enjoyed most in life: adventure, and his relationships. He spent his birthday showing three friends from three different parts of his life some of his favorite waterfalls and beaches in Hawaii. Dining on pizza and cake at his grandparents’ home on the Big Island and taking a FaceTime call from Jason and Nicole back in Charlotte, and then retreating to their Airbnb for games, laughs and fellowship that lasted long into his last night.

In the days after his passing, family and friends have gotten tattoos to serve as a way to celebrate Carson’s memory. Jason, Nicole and his older brother Trenor were each inked with his professional logo, a capital “C” and a lowercase “p” designed to look like a camera if turned on their side.

A couple of close friends have gotten a version of the tattoo Carson had on his tricep, a candelabra with three candles — one with melted wax and a wisp of smoke, representing the past and the benefit of putting it behind you; one burning brightly, representing the present and the benefit of living in it fully; and one fresh and having never been lit, representing the future and the benefit of preparing for it.

Perhaps the tattoo he had that best embodies his approach to life, however, was the one Carson had on his hand. It said, simply, “Why not?,” and what he meant by that was this: You limit yourself in what you can accomplish in this world because you’re so worried about the why. Why would you do it? But you need to change your perspective and ask yourself, “Why not?” You only live one life. Why not live it to the fullest?

Back when Carson originally got it, his Nana made a face. She had never, ever approved of tattoos. But last week, at 80 years old, she did what three of his friends had decided to do, too: She had an artist in Hawaii tattoo the two words on her arm.

“Why not?”

And when she did, somewhere up above, Carson was smiling.

-

He had a love for people and adventures. Friends remember NC man who died in Hawaii