My Take: A Trump-Harbaugh ticket?

In nearly 40 years of writing newspaper stories and columns, this may be the most difficult of all.

Let me explain.

Anyone who remembers what I've written in the past knows I’m not a big fan of Donald Trump.

Not so much for his political views, although most are just plain crazy, but because as a human being he’s — there’s no way to sugarcoat it — repugnant.

So what, you might wonder, does Trump’s campaign for the presidency have to do with Michigan football coach Jim Harbaugh?

Well, it occurred to me after news of Michigan’s sign-stealing scandal broke, and Harbaugh’s hasty Big Ten suspension, that the two men strangely share a lot in common besides a tendency to act goofy in public.

WITCH HUNT!!!

OK, full disclosure: This writer attended the U-M back when marijuana was illegal and someone named Bo Schembechler was the new head football coach. If you’re skeptical and want proof, I can show you the canceled checks from still paying off my student loans.

This writer also stupidly sold his ticket to the U-M/Ohio State football game in 1969 because he had a bad habit — he liked to eat. Then after being told it was possibly the “Game of the Century” he traded his shoes — his only pair of shoes — for a ticket to another student who needed shoes more than something to eat. (Possibly because he’d just snarfed a large pizza after smoking marijuana.)

This is a true story. We were just that dumb. Perhaps Michigan’s admission standards were much lower back then, but I digress.

Apparently not much has changed at the U-M because someone on Harbaugh’s coaching staff was dumb enough to “allegedly” engage in an elaborate scheme of stealing other teams’ signs, also known as “cheating.”

Needless to say, it’s embarrassing to have graduated from a well-respected institution of higher learning that gets caught cheating, unlike at other Big Ten schools where they’re apparently too smart to get caught.

Is any of this making sense? If not, then I need to get to the point, which is Harbaugh being punished for something he says he didn’t know anything about. A totally innocent man. Perhaps the most innocent man in America! Does any of this sound familiar?

WITCH HUNT!!!

Harbaugh was suspected of being part of a conspiracy to steal secret stuff. Trump is accused of stealing highly classified government documents.

Harbaugh was sidelined before an investigation. Trump got an investigation, but his campaign is getting sidelined by countless trials.

Trump has a team of lawyers. Harbaugh has a football team, but he needed a team of lawyers who haven’t been indicted.

This is exactly the kind of political kismet America needs right now!

Sure, they come from entirely different worlds. One’s a real estate mogul, the other fights for every yard of turf. One sports orange hair, the other bleeds Maize and Blue. One wears long red ties, the other wears baggy khaki pants.

These colorful embattled men need each other! Nothing makes more sense than for them to team up on the same ticket for president in 2024.

Not the Republican ticket, because I’ll confess I know nothing about Harbaugh’s politics — although judging from his salary I suspect he’d appreciate a tax break or two.

Nope, they need to run as independents and form the WITCH HUNT!!! PARTY.

They wouldn’t even need to buy yard signs.

They could just steal them.

— Bill Dalton is a former reporter and editor for The Kansas City Star, The Grand Rapids Press, Ann Arbor News and Ypsilanti Press.

This article originally appeared on The Holland Sentinel: My Take: A Trump-Harbaugh ticket?