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Try not to laugh as we roll through another year of college football bowl jokes

brad myers, delaware news journal
·7 min read
10

Some things never change.

But some things should change, like this annual column making fun of college football bowl games.

It’s not easy writing a joke for each of these 44 “postseason classics.” That will become apparent as you read through and discover some duds - just like the New Mexico Bowl.

So off we go, for the 15th consecutive year. Because just like a 16-year-old failing a driver’s test, we don’t know when to stop …

Hometown Lenders Bahamas Bowl

Dec. 16, Miami (Ohio) vs. UAB in Nassau, Bahamas: Mortgage interest rates are high. Interest in this game is low.

Duluth Trading Cure Bowl

Dec. 16, Troy vs. UTSA in Orlando, Florida: Both teams are extremely happy that this game isn’t played in Duluth, Minnesota.

Jon Sumrall, in his first season at Troy, had led the Trojans to 10 straight wins and an 11-2 record. Troy will meet UTSA in the Duluth Trading Cure Bowl on Friday.
Jon Sumrall, in his first season at Troy, had led the Trojans to 10 straight wins and an 11-2 record. Troy will meet UTSA in the Duluth Trading Cure Bowl on Friday.

Wasabi Fenway Bowl

Dec. 17, Cincinnati vs. Louisville in Boston: Four points for every field goal that clears the Green Monster.

Cricket Celebration Bowl

Dec. 17, Jackson State vs. North Carolina Central in Atlanta: Deion Sanders has already celebrated by taking a new job in Colorado.

New Mexico Bowl

Dec. 17, BYU vs. SMU in Albuquerque: Rematch of the 1980 Holiday Bowl, when BYU erased a 20-point deficit in the final four minutes to win 46-45. Don’t expect this one to be quite as legendary.

Jimmy Kimmel LA Bowl presented by Stifel

Dec. 17, Fresno State vs. Washington State in Inglewood, California: On behalf of the Jamie Farr Toledo Classic, Andy Williams San Diego Open and Jackie Gleason Inverrary Classic, it’s good to see a celebrity putting their name on a golf tournament – or bowl game – again.

President Biden talks with host Jimmy Kimmel on Kimmel's show on June 8. They most likely weren't discussing the upcoming Jimmy Kimmel LA Bowl.
President Biden talks with host Jimmy Kimmel on Kimmel's show on June 8. They most likely weren't discussing the upcoming Jimmy Kimmel LA Bowl.

Lending Tree Bowl

Dec. 17, Southern Mississippi vs. Rice in Mobile, Alabama: A 6-6 team vs. a 5-7 team. That’s the joke.

SRS Distribution Las Vegas Bowl

Dec. 17, Oregon State vs. Florida in Las Vegas: They recently opened the world’s largest Lego store in Vegas. People lined up for blocks.

Frisco Bowl

Dec. 17, Boise State vs. North Texas in Frisco, Texas: North Texas fans excitedly bought their plane tickets for San Francisco, then sadly discovered this game is just 24 miles from their campus.

Myrtle Beach Bowl

Dec. 19, Connecticut vs. Marshall in Conway, South Carolina: Marshall’s stunning win at Notre Dame in September launched the Thundering Herd all the way to … here.

Crypto Bowl

Dec. 19, Colorado State vs. Arizona in Palo Alto, California: Word of advice to both teams – get paid in cash, up front.

Famous Idaho Potato Bowl

Dec. 20, San Jose State vs. Eastern Michigan in Boise, Idaho: Congratulations to Eastern Michigan, which found a bowl site that’s colder than eastern Michigan.

RoofClaim.com Boca Raton Bowl

Dec. 20, Toledo vs. Liberty in Boca Raton, Florida: Once again, we suffer through another year of Liberty not playing in the Liberty Bowl.

Toledo coach Jason Candle receives the trophy from commissioner Jon Steinbrecher after the Rockets on the Mid-American Conference championship game Dec. 3 in Detroit.
Toledo coach Jason Candle receives the trophy from commissioner Jon Steinbrecher after the Rockets on the Mid-American Conference championship game Dec. 3 in Detroit.

R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl

Dec. 21, Western Kentucky vs. South Alabama in New Orleans: Or maybe it’s Eastern Kentucky vs. North Alabama. Tune in and find out.

Lockheed Martin Armed Forces Bowl

Dec. 22, Air Force vs. Baylor in Fort Worth, Texas: How can a team named “Air Force” lead the nation in rushing?

Radiance Technologies Independence Bowl

Dec. 23, Louisiana vs. Houston in Shreveport, Louisiana: Known as the Poulan Weed-Eater Bowl from 1990-97. One million bonus points if you have a T-shirt from any of those games.

Union Home Mortgage Gasparilla Bowl

Dec. 23, Missouri vs. Wake Forest in Tampa, Florida: That sound you hear is both teams entering the transfer portal.

EasyPost Hawaii Bowl

Dec. 24, Middle Tennessee State vs. San Diego State in Honolulu: The game that makes players on other teams say, “Why aren’t we going there?”

Quick Lane Bowl

Dec. 26, Bowling Green vs. New Mexico State in Detroit: Here’s a betting angle for you – New Mexico State has never lost in a bowl game. The Aggies are 3-0-1 … with three of those games before 1961.

Camellia Bowl

Dec. 27, Buffalo vs. Georgia Southern in Montgomery, Alabama: Also known as the Kyle Vantrease Bowl, for the QB who played for five years at Buffalo before transferring to … Georgia Southern.

After playing at Buffalo for five years, Georgia Southern quarterback Kyle Vantrease will face his old teammates Dec. 27 in the Camellia Bowl.
After playing at Buffalo for five years, Georgia Southern quarterback Kyle Vantrease will face his old teammates Dec. 27 in the Camellia Bowl.

Servpro First Responder Bowl

Dec. 27, Utah State vs. Memphis in Dallas: Not a good sign when you’re playing in a bowl sponsored by a company that cleans up disasters.

TicketSmarter Birmingham Bowl

Dec. 27, East Carolina vs. Coastal Carolina in Birmingham, Alabama: Seems like this game should be played in the Carolinas.

Guaranteed Rate Bowl

Dec. 27, Oklahoma State vs. Wisconsin in Phoenix: Guaranteed to switch channels midway through the first quarter.

Military Bowl presented by Peraton

Dec. 28, Duke vs. UCF in Annapolis, Maryland: Peraton’s website says, “We do the can’t be done.” So to those of you who thought Annapolis seems like a strange place for a bowl game, take that.

AutoZone Liberty Bowl

Dec. 28, Arkansas vs. Kansas in Memphis, Tennessee: As a native Arkansan, all I can say is, “Woo pig sooie.”

San Diego County Credit Union Holiday Bowl

Dec. 28, Oregon vs. North Carolina in San Diego: Stick around until the second half, when Ron Burgundy and Champ Kind take over the broadcast booth and turn the fun up to 11.

Will Ron Burgundy do play-by-play for the San Diego County Credit Union Holiday Bowl? Probably not, but it would be better if he did.
Will Ron Burgundy do play-by-play for the San Diego County Credit Union Holiday Bowl? Probably not, but it would be better if he did.

TaxAct Texas Bowl

Dec. 28, Texas Tech vs. Ole Miss in Houston, Texas: Exactly what we all want to think about while watching a bowl game – doing our taxes.

Bad Boy Mowers Pinstripe Bowl

Dec. 29, Syracuse vs. Minnesota in New York: Some touchdowns will only be worth five points due to the short porch in Yankee Stadium.

Cheez-It Bowl

Dec. 29, Oklahoma vs. Florida State in Orlando, Florida: There was a time when watching these two clash in the Orange Bowl was must-see TV. This is not that time.

Valero Alamo Bowl

Dec. 29, Texas vs. Washington in San Antonio: The only joke we’ve repeated all 15 years – Remember the Alamo, forget this game.

Duke’s Mayo Bowl

Dec. 30, North Carolina State vs. Maryland, in Charlotte, North Carolina: If it goes to overtime, is that called extra mayo?

South Carolina coach Shane Beamer gets the celebratory mayonnaise bath after winning last year's Duke's Mayo Bowl - a tradition that may make future coaches want to lose the game.
South Carolina coach Shane Beamer gets the celebratory mayonnaise bath after winning last year's Duke's Mayo Bowl - a tradition that may make future coaches want to lose the game.

Tony the Tiger Sun Bowl

Dec. 30, UCLA vs. Pitt in El Paso, Texas: Another chance for Eagles fans to boo Chip Kelly.

TaxSlayer Gator Bowl

Dec. 30, Notre Dame vs. South Carolina in Jacksonville, Florida: Been watching this game forever, and still haven’t seen a single alligator.

Barstool Sports Arizona Bowl

Dec. 30, Ohio vs. Wyoming in Tucson, Arizona: A warm, sunny place to fall off of your barstool.

Capital One Orange Bowl

Dec. 30, Clemson vs. Tennessee in Miami Gardens, Florida: It wasn’t easy, but game officials fulfilled their No. 1 requirement – finding two teams that wear orange.

TransPerfect Music City Bowl

Dec. 31, Iowa vs. Kentucky in Nashville, Tennessee: These two fanbases will be comforted to find all the kinds of music they like – country and western.

Allstate Sugar Bowl

Dec. 31, Kansas State vs. Alabama in New Orleans: Trying to think of something Nick Saban would find funny … and coming up blank.

Would Nick Saban find anything funny about these jokes? Probably not.
Would Nick Saban find anything funny about these jokes? Probably not.

CFP Semifinal at the Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl

Dec. 31, Georgia vs. Ohio State in Atlanta: Time to get serious, and Georgia is gonna get serious. Bulldogs win 35-17.

CFL Semifinal at the Vrbo Fiesta Bowl

Dec. 31, Michigan vs. TCU in Glendale, Arizona: Jim Harbaugh won’t win it all, but the Wolverines will win this one. Michigan 35-24.

ReliaQuest Bowl

Jan. 2, Illinois vs. Mississippi State in Tampa, Florida: Rest in peace, Mike Leach. One of the most innovative – and funniest – football coaches ever.

Mississippi State's Mike Leach, one of the most innovative and funny football coaches ever, died on Dec. 12 at age 61.
Mississippi State's Mike Leach, one of the most innovative and funny football coaches ever, died on Dec. 12 at age 61.

Cheez-It Citrus Bowl

Jan. 2, LSU vs. Purdue in Orlando, Florida: If you think Cheez-Its and citrus go together, I can’t help you.

Goodyear Cotton Bowl

Jan. 2, USC vs. Tulane in Arlington, Texas: A huge postseason game played at the home of Jerry Jones. So expect the Cowboys to lose.

Rose Bowl Game

Jan. 2, Utah vs. Penn State in Pasadena, California: Nittany Lions lost to Michigan and Ohio State, which gets you in the Rose Bowl nowadays.

CFP National Championship

Jan. 9 in Inglewood, California: We’re predicting Georgia vs. Michigan, with Georgia winning 38-22.

As always, I’ll take the Pineapples over the Surfboards in the Hula Bowl, the South in the East-West Shrine Bowl, the Sophomores in the Senior Bowl and the Campbell Conference over the Norris Division in the Pro Bowl.

By the way, that Crypto Bowl is a fake. I just made it up to show how there are too many bowl games and they blend together.

But crypto is real. Ask Tom Brady.

Contact Brad Myers at bmyers@delawareonline.com. Follow on Twitter: @BradMyersTNJ

This article originally appeared on Delaware News Journal: College football bowl games: Poking fun at 44 'postseason classics'