Is Turkeyfoot Lake a paradise for skinny dipping? | Mark J. Price
I know what you’re thinking. Before summer draws to a close, wouldn’t it be great to have a list of Ohio’s best skinny-dipping spots?
What’s that? Oh, right. Me neither.
In case you change your mind, though, MyDatingAdvisor.com, a website “committed to offering singles advice and reviews,” provided the Beacon Journal with a ranking that includes one of Summit County’s beloved Portage Lakes.
The website’s “comprehensive study” purportedly compared more than 800 U.S. swimming spots on such criteria as beach quality, safety, weather and hotel cost.
Shouldn’t the determining factor be the absence or presence of snapping turtles?
Without further ado, here are 13 of the best skinny-dipping spots in Ohio, according to MyDatingAdvisor.com:
1. Kelleys Island
2. Pymatuning State Park
3. Burr Oak State Park
4. Deer Creek State Park
5. Lake Hope State Park
6. Stonelick State Park
7. Alum Creek
8. Indian Lake State Park
9. Caesar Creek State Park
10. Grand Lake St. Marys
11. Salt Fork State Park
12. Turkeyfoot Lake
13. Shawnee State Park
Turkeyfoot Lake, eh? I’ve never seen naked swimmers there, but I’ll be sure to take a better look the next time I visit.
The website also offers such skinny-dipping pointers as: Be respectful and have discretion. Don’t forget sunscreen and bug spray. Don’t skinny-dip drunk. Beware of leeches. Keep your eyes on people’s faces. No photos.
Good advice.
You might also want to keep your ID close just in case law enforcement shows up. I won’t tell you where to carry it.
A weird story from 1938
I’ve stumbled across a lot of weird stories in the Beacon Journal archives, but this one is a cut above the rest.
It’s a grotesque little article from 1938, a gritty era when the Torso Killer was still on the rampage in Cleveland.
No matter how tough the reading gets, please stick with it until the end. There’s an unexpected twist.
Here is the Akron story in its original wording:
SEVERED HEAD BIG MYSTERY!
“Calling Car 7. Calling Car 7.”
“Woman’s head reported found at East Avenue and Lakewood Street.”
This terse message broadcast over the police short-wave radio over the weekend sent Cruisermen Ralph Tinnell and Roy Wemmer dashing to the scene where they found a few morbid onlookers gazing at the head of a woman, wrapped in blood-soaked towels resting in the center of the street.
Gingerly, the officers picked up the gruesome object and loaded it into their cruiser. Arriving at headquarters the head was taken to the detective bureau.
Detectives gathered around the head. They noted the black and blue spots on the face — evidence of a brutal beating. The head had been severed at the neck from its body and was soaked with blood.
HEAD FOUND BY MOTORIST
Cruisermen Tinnell and Wemmer explained that the head was discovered by an unidentified motorist who stopped so suddenly when it appeared in the path of his lights that another motorist following him bumped into his car.
The second driver, irate over the quick stop of driver No. 1, dashed from his car, boiling under the collar. But when he saw why the other motorist had stopped so suddenly, his ire quickly cooled.
The detectives, with visions of a sex fiend loose upon the streets of the city, notified the newspapers and the reporters joined the gathering.
Someone mentioned that he had seen a woman whose features resembled the ones before him, in the company of Helen Waterhouse, feature writer on the staff of the Beacon Journal.
When notified, Miss Waterhouse came to the police station. She looked at the head. With ashen face and quivering finger, she approached the head to touch it. The detectives marveled at her courage.
Solemnly the detectives wrapped the head in brown newspaper and placed it away in a closet — to be listed among the unsolved cases.
P.S. The head is made of wax.
What’s the motto?
I’m getting a little tired of the slogan on Ohio license plates: “Birthplace of Aviation.”
Sure, we’re plenty proud of the Wright Brothers, but why do we honor them with vehicles that can’t fly?
I prefer Ohio’s tourism slogan “The Heart of It All,” which is based on the state’s heart shape (if you squint a little). Ohio added it to standard license plates in 1991 but introduced the aviation motto in 1998.
If Ohio needs ideas for new slogans, here are 10 suggestions. Feel free to add to the list:
“The Orange Barrel State”
“The Spleen of It All”
“Almost Canada”
“Birthplace of Serial Killers”
“Land of 10,000 E-Checks”
“First in Blight”
“Hope You Like Soundwalls”
“Land of LeBron”
“Honk If You’re Horny”
“Michigan Sucks”
Mark J. Price can be reached at mprice@thebeaconjournal.com
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This article originally appeared on Akron Beacon Journal: Is Turkeyfoot Lake a paradise for skinny dipping? | Mark J. Price
