'Twas the night before Christmas and Mark Patinkin is stirring with RI's highs and lows in sight
'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the Rhode,
We look back at a year where our quirkiness showed.
With you-know-who craned from the State House with care,
Perhaps old St. Nick would pause up there in prayer.
Who’d blame him because what he’d see from that roost,
Are the foibles and madness Rhode Island produced.
At first with few scandals it seemed we were blessed,
But then came December and oh what a mess.
As the bridge was shut down every motorist soured,
Sitting in traffic for hours and hours.
Now Smiley, Alviti, DaSilva, McKee,
Were thrown in a tizzy of freakish degree.
Use ferries, bicycles, buses, they screamed,
But restaurants, shops and commuters all steamed.
With months more of chaos, oh the chagrin,
All because of a broken-off pin.
But as we all struggle to get there from here,
Remember more highs and more lows of the year.
Like our guy from the state so offensive and silly,
Demanding croissants and a ring-kiss in Philly.
And though the blue ocean still serves as our brand,
Shoreline homeowners cried, “Off of our sand.”
Gina in Washington proved quite the star,
While other DC’ers came home from afar.
Langevin now – what a fellow at Brown,
While David is handing out grants from downtown.
They created a vacuum millennials filled,
First Seth as a new face on Capitol Hill.
Then Aaron or Matos were faves to go next,
But Gabe passed them both, a historical flex.
With hopes of the Pats rebounding perhaps,
There instead came a season of brutal collapse.
While Bill is still coach, Kraft’s having a qualm,
And it’s thoroughly clear that young Mac was no Tom.
The cover of Time chose a local with energy,
Picking our neighbor, some woman from Westerly.
Hi to Viola, CF woman king,
As well as James Woods, a committed right-wing.
A tweet from Gen. Pete left a judge in a smolder,
But now Dan McKee’s looking over his shoulder.
In future elections, some others to watch for,
Whitehouse, Diossa and Sec-State Amore.
From Cranston to LA, O Culpo she fled,
But soon she’ll be back in Rhode Island to wed.
Goodbye to Jim Buffett, the tropical star,
Who sang his last song in a Rhode Island bar.
While Christmas Tree Shops did a final adjourn,
Just over the border the Venus returned.
For Caprio prayers and a tip of the hat,
The judge who we love and put Prov on the map.
The Sox up in Boston saw game wins decrease,
Ranking dead last in American East.
Ed Cooley moved on, a basketball giant,
And messily so did the hoops coach at Bryant.
The Harborside Inn on Block Island burnt down,
A century-plus as an icon in town.
But plans are afoot for a new one to sprawl,
While Ballard’s nearby hopes they’ve ended the brawls.
RI made the news for reasons quite dicey,
Like rents in the state being historically pricey.
At 7%, loans weren’t where it’s at,
So young folks were staying in Dad’s granny flat.
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Others found home prices hardly a thrill,
Some starters approaching a cool half a mil.
And still you’d be lucky to find such a dwelling,
This being a year where so few folks were selling.
It seems half the state is now nursing a cold,
But at least those vaccine cards have long gone on hold.
Hasbro is toying with departing downtown,
While Paxson is thrilled Congress left her at Brown.
In summer we bade an adieu to McCoy,
A ballpark that brought 50 years of great joy.
Yet hope springs anew, we did it, a shocker,
Stadium rising to showcase some soccer.
The year ’23 saw many so-longs,
Linc Almond the “guv,” and GOP leader John Holmes.
Bill Reynolds, Jim Gillis, a pair of great scribes,
A. Hall and E. Lee from the Trinity tribe.
Dave Stenhouse, Dick Drago, two stars on the mound,
George Marshall brought film to all cities and towns.
For decades “Sen” Goodwin served all on Smith Hill,
And Josephine R, a guv’s mom of strong will.
Forgive me for those I forgot or left out,
And a nod to the stories I failed to scout.
Like restaurants that came and others that went,
And rains and some flooding that both left a dent.
And sporting five waves was a new RI plate,
Which we stare at for hours with traffic our fate.
A reminder that 195 is essential,
Alternatives to it have meager potential.
As Donner and Blitzen fly past in the sky,
We gaze through our windshields heaving a sigh.
Thinking dash away, dash away, dash away all,
But the cars out in front, they still move at a crawl.
That bridge, what a mishap, our Rhode Island plight,
Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
mpatinkin@providencejournal.com
This article originally appeared on The Providence Journal: Twas the night before Christmas: Mark Patinkin offers a RI spin
