Before Valentine’s Day was a holiday, it celebrated a different kind of love| Opinion

My local grocery store put the Christmas candy and decorations in the clearance section and restocked the shelves with candy hearts and chocolates before the clock struck twelve on New Year’s Eve.

For weeks, my social media feed has been filled with heart crafts for kids, ads for novelty boxers and recipes for “sexy” desserts. But I’m not winding-up for an anti-valentine’s day rant. I’m for centering and honoring love in any and every form — even commercially. If you’ve already made plans featuring candlelit dinners, red roses and gourmet chocolates, I’m cheering for you. But if you have room in your heart to celebrate more than romantic love, maybe you’d consider joining me in observing a more traditional St. Valentine’s Day this year.

Before it was a holiday, Valentine’s Day was a holy day. The Catholic church appointed Feb. 14 as the feast day for St. Valentine who was martyred on that date in the year 272. Valentine is the designated saint of epileptics, beekeepers and, of course, lovers. I’m certainly not an expert in the lives of the saints, but even my protestant eyes can see the value in retelling the life stories of believers who have kept the faith in exemplary ways.

The historical record of Valentine’s life is sparse and contradictory, but general consensus is that he was a priest who lived during the reign of the Emperor Claudius Gothicus, who was not a fan of Christians. Valentine was imprisoned because he consistently performed secret illegal marriages that made husbands ineligible for military conscription. Once in prison, he formed a particular friendship with his jailer, a Roman nobleman named Asterius whose beloved youngest daughter was blind. Valentine prayed for the girl and she miraculously regained her sight. When he saw the enemy-loving beauty and miracle-working power of his prisoner’s faith, Asterius and many members of his prominent family converted to Christianity. In response, the emperor converted Valentine’s jail sentence to a death sentence.

Legend has it that the condemned man wrote a final letter of friendship to his former enemy and signed it “your Valentine” before he was led away to be tortured and beheaded.

So the life-story of this ancient cleric is light on meet-cutes, big romantic gestures and happily-ever-afters. But remembering his story expands my understanding of the nature and power of love.

So this Valentine’s Day, I’m going to help my second grader make cards for classmates. I’m going to bake some heart-shaped cupcakes. I’m hoping my husband is going to take me out for dinner. But, in honor of St. Valentine, I’m also going to donate to the commissary fund for folks in the Mecklenburg County Jail. (I like to give to The Black People’s Community Justice Fund, a grassroots organization that sends 100% of everything given to our neighbors who are imprisoned while awaiting trial).

Did you know that incarcerated people have to purchase all their own toiletries, long underwear and shoes and must pay by the minute for all phone or video calls with loved ones? Since most folks in our jail are there because they can’t afford bail, and since these basic needs cost three to four times more inside than outside, this is a real hardship.

I think the priest who was imprisoned when he prayed for the healing of the child of his jailer would delight in the kind of love that buys toothbrushes and soap (and maybe even a candy bar) for his incarcerated brothers and sisters.

Because St. Valentine practiced sacred love. Romantic love is often reserved for the young, the beautiful, the strong. Familial love goes to those we claim as our own and know intimately. Public love goes to the wealthy, accomplished and triumphant. But holy love is directed towards those who are forgotten, despised, vulnerable and cannot reciprocate.

God’s love is not limited and reserved for those who are innocent, but also seeks and finds and covers those who are guilty. This is a kind of love the world does not understand or applaud. It cannot be manufactured or marketed. But it is the kind of love that opens our eyes to the belovedness and intrinsic worthiness of all people. Happy St. Valentine’s Day!

Kate Murphy is pastor at The Grove Presbyterian Church in Charlotte.