Valerie Bertinelli opens up about Eddie Van Halen's death: 'I miss him'

Valerie Bertinelli continues to mourn the loss of ex-husband Eddie Van Halen.

While appearing Thursday on TODAY with Hoda & Jenna, the actor and host of the series “Valerie’s Home Cooking” said she is still grappling with his death.

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“It’s weird. Grief shame is something I never thought would happen to me. I don’t want to talk about it right now, but I knew the man for 40 years. I was 20 when I met him. I still loved him. We spent a lot of time together. He’s the father of my son. He’s the father of the greatest gift in my life,” she said as photos of him appeared on the screen, causing her to choke up.

Bertinelli, 60, and Van Halen were married from 1981 until 2007 and share son Wolfgang, 29. After the couple went their separate ways, Van Halen married Janie Liszewski, while Bertinelli married Tom Vitale. Despite that, Bertinelli said a love between them remained.

“And I miss him. And I’m allowed to miss him,” she said. “He was a huge part of my life. Just because we loved each other didn’t lessen the love that he had for Janie or me for Tom, so it’s a different kind of love. I don’t know how to explain it. Maybe one day I’ll figure it out and write a book about it.”

The guitar legend died from cancer last October at the age of 65. Last month, Bertinelli talked about the up-and-down relationship she had with Van Halen.

“We had some very difficult, very challenging times, but we had some beautiful times too,” she told mindfulness coach Angie Johnsey during a conversation on Instagram Live. “And the lovely thing about grief — the gift that it gives you — is that it’s so much easier to remember the beautiful moments, than the challenging and the difficult moments that you have with that person.”

In the week after his death, Bertinelli shared multiple photos of her and Van Halen, including one from the night they first met.

She also shared a tribute to him on Instagram that featured a picture of them with Wolfgang as a baby.

“40 years ago my life changed forever when I met you. You gave me the one true light in my life, our son, Wolfgang,” she wrote.

“Through all your challenging treatments for lung cancer, you kept your gorgeous spirit and that impish grin. I’m so grateful Wolfie and I were able to hold you in your last moments. I will see you in our next life my love.”