I’ve Found My One-Way Ticket Out of Living Paycheck to Paycheck. But There’s a Serious Catch.

Pay Dirt is Slate’s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Athena and Elizabeth here. (It’s anonymous!)

Dear Pay Dirt,

I’m at a crossroads in my career and could use some advice. Currently, I’m in a role with Company A, which while not perfect is pretty good. The possibility for long-term growth is there and the benefits are great. The pay could use some work—I still live paycheck to paycheck despite a management role—but we get two small bumps annually. Bonuses are arbitrary and not goal or sales-based. Company B is trying to poach me and I’m looking at a significant five-figure increase in my pay.

However, Company A is well-established, has been in business for 50 years and the brand sells itself. Company B is new, has no baseline and I’d work myself probably near to death for the next three to five years to get it established in a very competitive market, probably missing my kids’ formative years (they are 3 and 4). That being said, I’d be able to start saving more, my husband would be able to quit working and stay home full-time, and we could do more as a family like travel and have experiences, unlike right now because money is so tight. I’m honestly torn because the money is good but I’m not sure about leaving such a strong base. Help!

—Crossroads

Dear Crossroads, 

I can easily see why this decision is challenging to make. I’d tell you to make a pros and cons list, but from what you’ve written it sounds like you’ve already got one, at least inadvertently. I thought of three ideas you might explore as alternatives to switching to Company B and potentially missing time with your kids.

First, can you transfer to another position or department in Company A where you’ll receive a pay bump? I was in the non-profit sector for most of my career, and it was common for folks to jump into management positions for a pay bump. (This might not work in your case, since you mention you’re already in a management position.) But, how about a different department altogether? A friend of mine switched over to the finance department and in turn, nearly doubled her pay.

If there isn’t another area in your company that works for you, can you check LinkedIn or other job listings to see if another company is hiring for a similar position but pays more (without requiring as much sacrifice as Company B)? The best time to look for a job is when you don’t need one right away so you can be more selective.

You also weren’t very clear on what your husband does for a living. Is it an option for him to find another job that pays more, too? It’s hard to assume without knowing what he currently does, but it could be that the solution lies in both of you trying to find positions that give you each a bit of a boost.

Only you will know what the right fit is. You might want to inquire about expected hours and work-life balance directly from Company B, too. Keep in mind, though, that you don’t need to take their offer if it just doesn’t feel right to you. Good luck in your search!

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Dear Pay Dirt,

My daughter plans to get married next year. She currently has almost everything she needs for her home and would rather have the majority of their guests help or gift them with their honeymoon fund. She has attended a number of our family and friends’ weddings and some have indicated the same request at their wedding website. Is this request acceptable?

—Changing Traditions

Dear Changing Traditions, 

You’re right: Traditions are changing. For a few years now, honeymoon funds have been gaining popularity as a way to supplement or replace wedding registries altogether. So rest assured that many (if not most) of her guests will likely be familiar with the concept, even if it’s just from encountering it at another wedding—like you mention you personally have! Ultimately, you shouldn’t be telling your adult daughter what she should or shouldn’t be doing with her wedding registry. But just know that your daughter asking folks to pitch in for her honeymoon instead of a myriad of kitchen gadgets won’t be a terrible faux pas among the family.

I also consulted with Nick Leighton, etiquette expert and host of the podcast Were You Raised By Wolves? “Unfortunately, there’s no polite way to extract cash out of your guests,” Leighton said. He suggested that your daughter might make a wedding website with information about her honeymoon, with an option for a registry with just a few items at an easily accessible store. That way if a guest isn’t comfortable giving cash, they can pick up a small gift instead.

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Dear Pay Dirt,

Because of a death in the family, I (he/him) have come into more cash than I’ve ever had at once (outside of a down payment on my place, but that was money that had an explicit purpose to it). In total, I now have about $10,000 sitting in my checking account. I know it’s important to establish an emergency fund, invest in the stock market, and make home repairs, and on and on. I recognize that these are important things I should do and can probably read specific Pay Dirt columns on. But what I really want to know is this: What percentage of the $10,000 do you think I should spend on myself—for a vacation, or on new clothes, or fancy meals, etc.? I know I could spend all of it on myself, and I know the above paragraph outlines a lot of things that a responsible person should do with money, but I guess I’m just looking for your sign-off on being a little bad with money.

—Please Don’t Say, “One Dollar, Bob!”

Dear Bob,

I have two words for you, Bob: Treat yourself.

You might be surprised by that advice (or perhaps you think I’m just telling you what you want to hear). It’s pretty unusual for me not to immediately instruct a LW to look into establishing an emergency fund in a high-interest savings account. But what’s the point of having money if you can’t enjoy it once in a while? Moderation is key to anything in life, and I firmly believe it’s also vital to successful money management.

Use part of the gift toward your responsibilities—and part of it for the fun you’re envisioning. Here’s how I’d personally divvy up that money. You mentioned you need an emergency fund and house repairs, so I would put $5,000 aside for those goals. I would then take $2,000 to open a Roth IRA so you can start investing for retirement. And then with the remaining $3,000, I’d take myself on a trip to somewhere I’ve always wanted to visit and I’d dig into a nice steak dinner after I’ve booked the plane ticket.

—Athena

For most of my life, my sister “Crystal” and I have never had a good relationship. For as long as I can remember, she’s always been horrible to me, criticizing everything from my choice in movies and music to how I act in public. Her attitude is actually a joke between some friends and me. My family has acknowledged her behavior toward me, but their way to keep the peace is to tell me that since I’m the oldest, I need to be mature and ignore it. For the last several years, I’ve lived far enough away that going home during the holidays was a financial burden. However, I recently moved closer.