Vicky Pattison breaks down on This Morning as she talks about fiancé split
Vicky Pattison has tearfully opened up about her split from former fiancé John Noble, after finding out that he had cheated.
The Geordie Shore star documents the relationship's collapse in a new documentary Vicky Pattison: The Break Up, which was originally devised as a film about their wedding plans.
Speaking about making the movie despite the change in subject matter during production, Vicky told This Morning: "I know it was a bit of a controversial decision and I have had to answer that question a number of times on social media, because it has faced that criticism.
"The wheels were already in motion for me to make this show. Granted it was such a different subject matter. But it was also meant to be about life. And just when my chips were down, I'm not the type of person to throw in the towel."
Speaking about the aftermath of the relationship, she continued: "When I started off I didn't see light at the end of the tunnel. I just felt really broken and lost… but it became more than just me.
"It became about me wanting to show women who've been through something similar, that although it is rubbish, although it hurts and feels like you might not be able to get through it, you can."
Vicky admitted that she "didn't think he had this in him" and "was so taken aback" when she found out that John had cheated.
Given the public nature of the split and the fact that pictures had emerged of John, Vicky said that it it made her "deal with it differently".
"I felt like I had to take control – he had taken away so much stuff. I didn't have a fiancé, I didn't have a best friend," she added through tears.
"He's not really remorseful," Vicky explained. "There's no guilt or contrition, he doesn't think he's done anything wrong.
"He says he didn't cheat and didn't do anything wrong. He said he was set up because of the position I'm in."
She added: "I don't love him, but I'm not quite indifferent. I still feel angry for what he did, I'm looking forward to the day where I can just completely forgive him."
Vicky then got quite emotional as she spoke about the effect it had on her psychologically, adding: "It's never happened to me before, it's a whole new sensation – one that I hope I never have to go through again.
"But yeah, you blame yourself. I did question myself – maybe if I was thinner, maybe he would have loved me more. If I look more like those girls, he wouldn't have done what he did.
"But in the end it's not about me. I couldn't make John love me and I couldn't make him a man. I'm getting there, I'm getting stronger. I'm getting a bit of the old sparkle back."
This Morning airs weekdays on ITV at 10.30am. Vicky Pattison: The Break Up premieres tonight (January 30) at 10pm exclusively on TLC.
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