Voices of Faith: 'Memento Mori' - How will you be remembered?
As a Unitarian Universalist who describes myself as a Religious Naturalist Humanist, one of my primary sources of spiritual wisdom is nature. I live in Kent and walk in Standing Rock Cemetery almost every day. It's a beautiful, peaceful place with the Cuyahoga River flowing next to it and there's always wildlife to watch. When I walk there, I often find myself thinking about life and death. This time of year, as the days grow short and the leaves become that familiar crunch beneath our feet, nature is saying “memento mori”- remember; remember well; remember that death is part of the cycle of life.
There are many holy days and festivals of this time of year about death and remembering the dead. Since the late Middle Ages, the dead have been remembered in Christian countries across the world with church services. There is Hallowe'en of course and the ancient Celtic holy day of Samhain, which began as a harvest festival. People in Mexico and Latin America celebrate el Día de los Muertos, the Day of the Dead on Nov. 1 and 2. In Japan, there is Obon, a celebration that blends ancient belief in the spirits of one’s ancestors and the Japanese Buddhist custom of honoring these spirits.
The very mention of death may make some of us uncomfortable. We live in a culture that denies death as much as possible, both in the way we promote youth and beauty and in how death is hidden away and sanitized. Some religious traditions try to soften the reality of death with the promise of eternal life. But speaking honestly of death is healthy and can help us grow spiritually. When we tell stories of the loved ones who have died, we become more intimate with those who share our grief and support us. We experience healing through expressing grief. Grief and loss are normal human feelings but they can become toxic if they are not worked through and released.
We are also reminded that life is a short and very precious gift. We shouldn't fear death but instead, as one writer says, we should fear not living as fully as we can. When we understand what a gift life is, we are challenged to reprioritize; to ask what really matters. My late colleague Forrest Church wrote about how death helped him to live more fully after finding out that his cancer was terminal: "When dying comes calling at the door, like a bracing wind it clears our being of pettiness. It connects us to others. More alert to life’s fragility, we reawaken to life’s preciousness. We enter the sacred realm of the heart, where the one thing that can never be taken from us, even by death, is the love we give away before we go."
At every memorial service I lead I share these words of John Lovejoy Elliott: "The anguish of parting cannot destroy this most real of all realities. The love has been, the affection has existed, the ties have been woven. The love that was once born can never die. For it becomes a part of us, of our lives, woven into the very texture of our being." I also express one of life's greatest truths: the love that binds us to one another is stronger than death and it will outlast time and even all the stars. These words remind us that our loved ones will always be a part of us and that love is the greatest gift we can receive and give.
When my times comes, I will be cremated, but I’d like a tombstone in the Standing Rock Cemetery. With a view of the river and the standing rock of course! Maybe along with my name, the stone will say “Memento Mori,” as a reminder to those who walk by to reflect on their own mortality and to ask: “How will I be remembered? Have I lived and loved as fully as I can?”
The Rev. Steven Protzman is the minister of the Unitarian Universalist Church of Kent, Ohio.
This article originally appeared on Record-Courier: Voices of Faith: 'Memento Mori' - How will you be remembered?
