How to Work Out Like You Work on Wall Street

Jen Doll
How to Work Out Like You Work on Wall Street

There's a new Wall Street workout in town. Bloomberg's Stephanie Ruhle has reported it, and therefore it must be so. And not only has she reported it, but there's video, too. Want to see some sweaty dudes jump around somewhat hilariously for a few moments? Watch it. If you don't have time to watch the whole video, here are the basics of "JCore," a technique from Jay Cardiello, the guy who also brought us "50 Cent's Workout":

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  • Take 20 minutes out of your hectic workaday life, in which 23 hours are not enough and you must also go out with clients (or muppets) and wine them and dine them on steak, to do some exercise.

  • Say the words "sweat equity."

  • Point your fingers into the shape of a gun and shoot-shoot-shoot the fat away!

  • Say, like, "'You're done!' on a trade."

  • Say, "Market's going up! Your heart rate's going up!"

  • Have two guys in the background doing squats or lunges or jogging squat-lunges or something, for added Wall Street atmosphere.

  • Sweat.

  • When in doubt, push your chair away and sit in a squat position.

Curiously, this is not the first "Wall Street" fitness routine we've been presented with in recent times. Remember the gym for the captains of industry written about in the New York Times earlier this month? Further back, trendy workouts touted for financial types have included "The Wall Street Workout: The 4-minute workout system designed for busy professionals everywhere" (it is, apparently, shirt-rippingly awesome!); 106-degree (Bikram) yoga, said to help traders "handle things much better"; and "Wall Street Ball Street," a series at an L.A. gym in 2010 in which participants were "schooled in the art of squash," and then got to "sample Scotch flights, nibble hors d'oeuvres and get shoeshines while watching the quintessential '80s film [Wall Street, obviously]." Then there's a book from 2008 called the Wall Street Diet -- "it's not about willpower, it's about strategy."

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And going even further back, there's "spin rage," or the time back in 2007 that a Wall Street stock broker got so pissed at another member (a hedge funder) who wouldn't stop "hooting and grunting" during spin class that he threw the guy and his bike at the wall. This is not an actual workout, of course, though it has undeniable calorie-burning potential. 

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All this just goes to show that despite all the people hating on Wall Streeters, Wall Street is apparently still good for the fitness business. Some things, like a good old-fashioned squat, simply never change. 

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Image via Shutterstock by Luis Louro.