Weekend Picks: Oompa Loompa doompity do, I've got another revision for you

Feb. 23—After combing through the latest updates on NPR (I am better than you), I came across a concerning bit of news.

No doubt it will be all the rage by the time this column is published.

We're all quite familiar with the conversation around the banning of books. If you have a soul, sense of morality, desire for knowledge of history and passion to understand people that look, think and behave differently than you, then you hate book banning.

Apparently, Puffin, the children's branch of the prolific Penguin Publishing, now sees it fit to revise works from its back catalogue, beginning with a good portion of work by beloved children's storyteller Roald Dahl. Full sentences and select words from Dahl's books will be replaced with more inclusive (and often less descriptive) language in new editions of the book.

In examples given in The Telegraph, gender-specific words like "father" and "mother" will be replaced with "parent." Augustus Gloop, the gluttonous character in "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" goes from being described as "fat" to "enormous."

In "The Witches," a sentence is altered from "even if she is working as a cashier in a supermarket or typing letters for a businessman" to read "even if she is working as a top scientist or running a business." This sentence, in context, is meant to depict the dedication a particular witch shows in hunting and killing children.

But my favorite change that I've come across is another excerpt from "Witches," where Dahl describes that witches wear wigs due to being bald. The new edition will read, "There are plenty of other reasons why women might wear wigs, and there is certainly nothing wrong with that."

Did Trey Parker and Matt Stone make that edit?

There's plenty to get mad about, most of it directed toward Penguin Publishing or Roald Dahl's estate/Roald Dahl Story Company, but after sitting with it for a little bit, this doesn't seem to be as fatal a situation as we'd like to make it.

Plenty of authors have spoken out against the decision, including Salman Rushdie and Wyoming's own C.J. Box (published by Putnam Penguin). I assume Craig Johnson isn't giddy about it, either, based on a past conversation with him (or the fact he's published under Viking Penguin).

Hopefully, this whole event will just create more legal protection for authors' intellectual property. We might begin seeing unprecedented clauses added to contracts, similar to how actors are now legally barring major film studios from posthumously depicting their likeness using CGI.

The real offense of it all is the threat to creative writing.

I'd reckon that Augustus Gloop was originally described as fat, rather than enormous, because he was not "enormous" — he was a chubby little brat; well-meaning, but inexperienced youth (through no fault of his own) that managed to clog industrial piping with his gelatinous body and gluttony-driven selfishness because of an unsafe working environment and poor supervision by the business owner.

Dahl was a good writer (and a person with reprehensible personal beliefs), so I'm sure with all of the controversial rewrites to the original "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory," he would have described said character as "enormous" if he had meant to imply that Gloop was built like Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.

Instead, Gloop was intended to be built like a Saran-wrapped pile of strawberry jelly.

Instead of panic about the whole thing, I'd like to see Penguin Publishing double down on its new crusade and roll out a select list of classics re-edited to fit our more modern and progressive tastes.

I, for one, am looking forward to the reworking of Cormac McCarthy's back catalogue, especially "No Country for Old People," or Margaret Atwood's "The Handperson's Tale."

On the bright side, "Anne of Green Gables" is now published by Simon and Schuster, so no one will be toying with the trials of your favorite red-headed romantic. If you want to catch a faithful adaptation of the beloved children's novel, stop by the Mary Godfrey Playhouse this weekend for Cheyenne Little Theatre Players' rendition of "Green Gables" starting Friday at 7:30 p.m.

Dueling Pianos returns to The Metropolitan Downtown this weekend on both Friday and Saturday at 8 p.m. It might be better to attend the latter, as Saturday looks geared toward outdoor activities (if the weather permits).

The Cheyenne High Plains Audubon Society is holding a field trip to the Rocky Mountain Arsenal National Wildlife Refuge early Saturday morning. Be sure to call ahead of time to ensure that the trip is still on, with Interstate 25 being highly susceptible to closure.

You can always stick around Cheyenne for your outdoor fix and visit the Annual Arboretum Plant Sale at the Cheyenne Botanic Gardens. Later, the Laramie County Library will host High Altitude Gardening 101. The class focuses on how to grow flowers from seedlings in the brutal Wyoming winter.

On Saturday night, comedian and entertainer Rodney Carrington will finally make his way to the Cheyenne Civic Center after having to reschedule from a previous date in February.

Speaking of books, if your shelves are overflowing with books you know like the back of your hand, consider taking them over to Frontier Mall and donating to the Delta Kappa Gamma Book Sale.

Will Carpenter is the Wyoming Tribune Eagle's Arts and Entertainment/Features Reporter. He can be reached by email at wcarpenter@wyomingnews.com or by phone at 307-633-3135. Follow him on Twitter @will_carp_.