Weekend Picks: Wyomingites are a different breed

May 4—I have to do my best to remember that I'm not in California anymore.

Actually, that's not true. Wyomingites are happy to remind me, and everyone else, that they are, in fact, not in California.

I'm referring to the 12 years of sun resistance that I cultivated (and since lost) as a youth in southern California. That biologically advantageous tan was something I took for granted — that is what I've been reminded of as the sun has finally made its return in southeast Wyoming.

I made the trip to Laramie for the University of Wyoming Brown and Gold spring football scrimmage on Saturday without applying sunscreen, and for my arrogance, I paid the price.

The day started well enough. We had a good drive over to our state's premier college oasis, and someone tossed me a free beer as a gesture to me wearing an Ole Miss sweater to a UW sporting event. The atmosphere at the scrimmage nurtured my inner child, the one that wholeheartedly wrote in "NFL player" as the answer to the "what I want to be when I grow up" prompt in elementary school.

Kids took the field after the game, playing catch with their dad, and asking for pictures with any and every player on the field. Families met their sons, still dressed in their football uniform, for photographs, while older residents, decked out in brown and gold, cowboy boots and matching hats, congratulated the boys like they were small-town high school players. For almost the entire game and surrounding events, my soul was safely cradled by the football gods, enveloped by a sense of endearing comfort that only they can provide to a man.

In their infinite wisdom, the football gods also decided to punish me with a long overdue dose of "college-speak" from surrounding attendees. If you're unfamiliar with college-speak, try to imagine a young, recently concussed Keanu Reeves saying something like, "Bro, you haven't been to Austin? Dude, Austin is sick. Y'all trying to go out tonight?"

The essence of the speech pattern is easier understood when written out phonetically — "Bro, yew hahvunt been tew Awstun? Dewd, Awstun is sew seck. Yaltrynaguoutuneye?"

In my defense, I figure I can make that joke without malice. I, too, once spoke like a young, belligerently drunk caricature of a surfer. It's possible college-speak is just a mark of youth, before the woes of the modern world break you down, and mundane maturity leads you to say things like, "Wow, Austin, huh? Really nice city. If you go, there's a great gastropub just off Main Street you should check out."

What I can't do is pull off the surfer look any longer. Not where it counts, at least.

Because after the game, I looked down to see my skin, the skin I once believed impervious to the ultraviolet punishment of the sun, stinging red and slightly charred like a flash-cooked chicken breast. Then, over dinner and a beer, I could feel the last of my dying skin cells begging to be put out of their mercy.

Sorry, skin cells, but we are definitely not in California anymore.

I've accepted this reality, and have officially purchased a can of sunscreen (only after buying, and applying, a tub's worth of aloe vera).

Wyomingites are a rare breed, as far as I'm concerned. Never mind the wind, snow, desolate landscapes and (presumably) intoxicated local drivers — I've seen men trudging through a blizzard in ankle-length basketball shorts and T-shirts all because they needed a 12-pack of Dr. Pepper.

I watched the fraternity boys of UW rock their cutoff T-shirts and jean shorts in the cold metal bleachers of War Memorial Stadium, drinking beer and intermittently sucking down a small plastic shooter of fruity liquor.

Meanwhile, I'm wondering if it's safe to reapply aloe for the fourth time in an hour sitting.

We are clearly not of the same breed.

You're smarter than I, so when you go outside this weekend, put on sunscreen — or don't; I'm not your mom. In fact, I'd advise you to just stay inside, or make your way to one of this weekend's events, safe from the clutches of the sun.

This encouragement is an added bonus to Star Wars fans as May the Fourth rolls around. The library is offering a DIY Lightsaber Workshop for youth and teens to celebrate the pop-culture holiday. There will also be a Trivia Night at Blue Raven Brewery, where a portion of the beer sales go toward the Boys and Girls Club of Cheyenne. Check other breweries for similar events.

Friday, on the other hand, is going to be dedicated to the arts (and Cinco de Mayo) with the full-fledged return of the Cheyenne ArtWalk. Galleries and studios around town are starting off strong, so check the ToDo calendar for specifics, but it never hurts to wander downtown for a full scope of creative opportunity.

Tomorrow night is also the opening of Cheyenne Little Theatre Players' "Cinderella" at the Mary Godfrey Playhouse, a short, but extravagantly produced musical that's enjoyable for all ages.

Also good for families is the next entry in the incredibly popular Wyoming State Museum Family Day on Saturday morning. This month, the event revolves around Military Appreciation. Kids can meet military servicemen and women, check out military equipment and, to their parents' envy, run a PT course.

Or, for any gardeners out there, the Laramie County Master Gardeners will hold their annual plant sale in the Event Center at Archer. It's going to be the largest plant sale of the year, with added help available from the master gardeners that make up the organization. The event will run from 8 a.m.-4 p.m.

Pine Bluffs Distilling is hosting its famous Corgi Derby to coincide with the nearly-as-famous Kentucky Derby. While I have never paired good whiskey with watching stumpy fluffs bolt to the finish line, I can assume it's as pure a form of entertainment as you can find on a Saturday afternoon.

Finally, back in Cheyenne, the Cheyenne Chamber Singers are closing out their season with "As If We Never Said Goodbye." The concert features music from stage and screen, and, as an added bonus, it's being held in the Cheyenne Depot and catered by The Boardroom.

That's all I've got for you this weekend — now, where did I put the aloe?

Will Carpenter is the Wyoming Tribune Eagle's Arts and Entertainment/Features Reporter. He can be reached by email at wcarpenter@wyomingnews.com or by phone at 307-633-3135. Follow him on Twitter @will_carp_.