What's situational depression? Here's why it can affect us all.
I’ve been avoiding this topic because it’s so heavy and complex, but I can’t call myself a mental health advocate without mentioning grief and how it compounds the issue.
My instinct when it comes to grief is to suppress it, and I know I’m not alone in that. But if you don’t acknowledge your pain, it can grow bigger and lead to depression and anxiety. This is known as situational depression or adjustment disorder. Any kind of loss — the death of a loved one, experiencing a major illness, having a baby, losing your job — can trigger it.
When I was 19 I lost my beloved Mema to cancer, and it destroyed me. I dropped classes, becoming a part-time student because I couldn’t get out of bed. I lashed out when friends voiced their concerns. I isolated — it was a scary and dark time. I went to counseling, and that helped, and I found a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with depression. She said it was likely temporary and that therapy and medicine would help. My pain eventually faded, and I came to terms with my grandmother’s death. Looking back, it seems my recovery was swift.
This was not the case when my father-in-law died of pancreatic cancer just months before I gave birth to my first child. It was heart-wrenching that Isla wouldn’t know him. He saw a sonogram before he died. At least we have that.
Leon was such a big part of our lives and my husband’s best friend; my husband and I were incredibly sad. Our daughter created a lot of joy in our lives, but both of us were depressed. The postpartum hormonal changes I experienced only intensified it. It was a battle. And it was difficult to see my husband grieve. He’s so unflappable.
But situational depression can affect anyone, even if you’re not genetically prone to mental health conditions. It also can turn into major depression or a serious mental illness, like it did with me.
A lot of people are quick to say, “Just get over it,” but you can’t. You acknowledge your pain and you sit with your feelings, not bury them. You experience the grief stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. You learn to live without whoever or whatever you lost. You might opt for unhealthy coping skills, but that will only impede your healing. I learned this firsthand, as I turned to binge eating and abusing my anxiety medication. I also cut myself and compulsively shopped, but it made everything worse. Years later I was in a psychiatric hospital. That’s why it’s important to examine your feelings and to process them.
I still tear up when I talk about my father-in-law and my Mema, even though it has been eight and 18 years, respectively, since they died. I don’t think that will ever change, and that’s OK.
The only thing I can do is remember the good times with them and how they enriched my life. I hope they’re both proud of me and my family and can see how much we’ve grown.
I see what a great man my husband has become, how devoted to our community he is, and I know he continues Leon’s legacy: giving back to Corpus Christi and being a generous, kind person. Leon was always so proud of him. It was justified.
I like to think that I’m also a part of Leon’s legacy. That my children (sixth-generation Corpus Christi-ans) will be, too. Tears crowd my eyes as I write this.
The pain never really goes away when you lose someone, but the love you have for them doesn’t, either.
If you’re struggling with grief or loss, please reach out and seek help. Talk to a trusted friend or doctor, and don’t be ashamed if you’re experiencing situational depression. This is common and can go away.
It gets easier. Promise.
Symptoms of situational depression (according to WebMD):
appetite changes
constant fear or worry
difficulty carrying out tasks
difficulty focusing
difficulty sleeping
frequent crying
grief
hopelessness
loss of interest in normal activities
overwhelming feelings from stress or anxiety
sadness
If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts, go to the nearest emergency room, reach out to your doctor or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255.
For more than 20 years, Heather Loeb has experienced major depression, anxiety and a personality disorder, while also battling the stigma of mental health. She is the creator of Unruly Neurons (www.unrulyneurons.com), a blog dedicated to normalizing depression and a member of state Rep. Todd Hunter’s Suicide Prevention Taskforce.
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This article originally appeared on Corpus Christi Caller Times: What to know about situational depression and how to feel better
